PARTINGSHOT.

Donald J. Trump

The White House

1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

Washington, D.C.

January 20, 2025

Dear Mr. President,

Congratulations on your great big beautiful victory. We shall cut to the chase.

The Earth is round. Maps are flat. When you are looking at a map, the landmasses are not shown entirely in proportion to their actual size, particularly those countries at the top and the bottom of the page.

It's like if you took a piece of tinfoil, and rolled it over a big ball, and drew on it, and then unfolded it again. What you'd see at the top and bottom of the foil would look much larger than what you drew. (If you don't know hat foil is, ask someone in the kitchen at Mar-a-Lago, they can help you out.)

If you got all that, you'll now understand that Greenland, while the 12th-largest country by landmass in the world, is not as large as it looks on a map. It is not the size of all of Africa or South America. It is smaller in landmass than the Democratic Republic of the Congo, which is part of Africa, or Argentina, which is part of South America. It is less than one-quarter the size of the United States.

There's a less of it every year, in fact. That's because of this thing called "climate change" you might have heart about. It's a whole thing.

Also it's not very green. Really it's quite cold. Why is it called Greenland then? Well, the Vikings who discovered us wanted to attract settlers. It's like calling a casino on the Jersey Shore the Trump Taj Mahal to pack people in.

We like it just fine; you get used to it. But if you're thinking, "Palm Beach, only the size of a continent," well, that's not our vibe.

But if you're looking for a big, big country with a ton of open land, well ... have you ever looked at the bottom of the map? I think you'd be very interested in Antarctica.

Yours sincerely,

Greeland

G.L.