Morgan's Vision; Helen's out in the cold.
HELEN BAXENDALE is obviously suffering from a bad bout of PFD - post- Friends disorder.The Cold Feet actress who stormed into our living rooms as the feisty star of The Investigator and Cardiac Arrest has finally lost her backbone. And it's not a pretty sight.
When she was offered a starring role in US twentysomething comedy Friends, there was talk of the actress cracking Hollywood.
Everything went pear-shaped after she made her first appearance as Emily, Ross's stuffy English girlfriend. Gone was the sharp, wise-cracking Helen we knew and loved and, in her place, was an insipid character only an American audience could stomach.
So when the ITV comedy drama Cold Feet came along, everything began to look rosy - literally.
The series began as a pilot, which featured Helen being serenaded by a cheeky James Nesbitt with a single rose clenched between his buttocks.
But two weeks into the series, Helen is already beginning to wilt. Instead of making a triumphant return to British television as a tough-talking woman, she has been cast as another spineless character. Come back Emily, all is forgiven.
Cold Feet's Rachel is a thirtysomething career woman in love with Adam. He is a charming Irishman, she has a closetful of skeletons, including a husband.
So far, so good.
But Rachel is more interesting on paper than she is on screen - and Helen looks like she knows it.
Even when Adam slipped under the sheets for a bit of how's your mother, Rachel looked like she was flicking through a Laura Ashley catalogue.
Any passion he was arousing in her was buried deep behind that blank expression. No wonder the man is driven to extreme measures when wooing her. A rose between the buttocks was only the beginning.
It's well known that Helen had a depressing time on the periphery of the Friends circle. The actress has said she was too busy being pregnant to bother about becoming Jennifer Aniston's or David Schwimmer's buddy during filming for the comedy.
It must have stung like hell when Courteney Cox suggested she felt sorry for the English actress who seemed at sea in America.
But most of Helen's misery was down to the dud hand she had been dealt by the show's scriptwriters. It wasn't until she was virtually on set that she realised what a wimp Emily was.
That isn't true of Cold Feet, which was months in the making as its creators battled with ITV for the go- ahead to make a series. That was plenty of time to realise Rachel was a bit of a wet blanket.
The series itself has struck a chord with anyone on the wrong side of 30. At last, television has moved on from its obsession with twentysomething dramas such as This Life and Friends.
We want the old Helen back ... even if it means a return to the emergency room for drastic surgery.
Accent on the dud
SEX is a young Irishman struggling to get his tongue round the Scottish accent - or so we are supposed to believe.
Ciaran McMenamin is the male love interest in Channel 4's impossibly titled The Young Person's Guide To Becoming A Rock Star.
The Irish actor might have got the hang of swinging his hips before a crowd of screaming extras, but he needs to practise his Glasgwegian twang.
Every time he manages to look mildly sexy as Jez, the lead singer of Jocks Wa-Hey, he opens his mouth. And, instead of dulcet Glasgow tones, out comes a cross between a raging Ulster accent and something from Brigadoon.
That might be attractive to undiscerning viewers, but any self-respecting Scot will recognise a dud when they hear it.
You'd think that having spent weeks shooting the drama with former EastEnders star Nicola Stapleton, Ciaran would have mastered the Glasgow accent.
She has hidden her Saarff London drawl beneath a classic West of Scotland voice that would fool even Rab C. Nesbitt.
The difference is, Nicola has the connections. Her mother was born and brought up in a Glasgow tenement, kicking her heels on Dennistoun street corners. No- one would argue with that pedigree.
As long as Jez keeps his mouth shut, he makes an acceptable sex symbol.
Even his bass player Fiona is coming round to his raw charms. She was virtually frothing at the mouth after she saw him speaking to a record company scout.
But while Ciaran obviously sees himself as the next Ewan McGregor, we know better. It might be hip to be Scottish, but you need to sound like the genuine article.
Street strife for Deirdre
CORONATION STREET'S Deirdre looked like someone had put her back behind bars and thrown away the key when fellow jailbird Jackie Dobbs showed up.
Dreary, as she's affectionately known by Corrie fans, had almost forgotten the peroxide blonde who showed her how to do time properly - with two fingers up to the system.
Now she's back and she's expecting to do some serious time on Deirdre's sofa.
It's going to take more than Mike Baldwin to get the Weatherfield One out of this fix.
Ronan was a World apart
BOYZONE star Ronan Keating looked distinctly uncomfortable as he unveiled what were supposed to be "the world's most beautiful women" with the return of Miss World.
Enlisting the pop star was a hollow attempt to breathe new life into a pointless, embarrassing television ritual that should have stayed buried for ever.
No amount of sweet talking from the music industry darling could bolster what was ultimately flaccid TV.
This excuse for entertainment wasn't worth feminist fury or moans from New Men. It was a watered-down show. The only reason for watching was to see Ronan squirm.
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| Title Annotation: | Features |
|---|---|
| Author: | Morgan, Kathleen |
| Publication: | Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland) |
| Date: | Nov 28, 1998 |
| Words: | 951 |
| Previous Article: | Friday tv; FILM CHOICE. |
| Next Article: | Thursday tv; FILM CHOICE. |