Fulton's Vision; Final fling for whining Ruth.
Eastenders must be in trouble - Ruth has become the focus of a love triangle.The Albert Square script writers have decided to give her more dialogue than "I love you, Mark".
This week, wicked Ruth, played by Scots actress Caroline Paterson, had a torrid affair with Mark's cousin Conor.
Now at least she can also say: "I love you, Conor."
It is the first bit of acting Caroline's done since she tried looking sympathetic on hearing Mark has HIV.
And she's still awful. Seeing her in bed the next day put me off my beans on toast.
Unfortunately, because she's a Scottish actress in a prime-time soap, no one likes or cares about Ruth.
She's a moaning pinched-faced bore whose voice can grate the neighbour's cheese.
We already know she's been killed off. All we need is the advent calendar to count down the days.
Let's hope it is by bungee jump so we can freeze frame it and watch it again and again.
She is the one character in British soap who is annoying for all the wrong reasons.
She is no Mrs Mangel or Mrs Mack, characters we love to hate. We just hate poor Ruth.
This week's storyline revealed a deeper weakness in Walford. There is a distinct lack of glamour, characters and good storylines in the soap.
For the past few weeks, the main story is Grant's affair with his mum- in-law Louise, who might or might not have a fling with his brother Phil. It has been very heavy and wasn't the success the Beeb had hoped.
When EastEnders and Coronation Street went head-to-head, for only the second time in their histories, the ITV soap won.
It was a bitter blow to EastEnders, who had built up the affair between Grant and Louise with lots of press and magazine articles.
So what is so wrong with EastEnders?
I'm a great fan of the soap. I've watched it from the first episode and have only missed a few weeks here and there.
But even I have to admit that there is trouble in paradise.
Part of it seems to be this obsession the scriptwriters have with the pub. Maybe it's because they're kept too busy to get to a real one, but life in EastEnders seems to revolve around the Vic.
It's done this in the past, most successfully with Dirty Den and Angie. But there always seemed to be other plots that could be unravelled or brought to fruition.
In today's Square, all that seems to be happening is that the Brothers Grim have a mum whispering sweet nothings to whispering Frank Butcher.
But what else is there? Mark and Ruth's marriage hitting the rocks - their first strong storyline since he developed HIV in a controversial plot twist.
Then there's Robbie's toga party. Hardly rivetting viewing.
Where are the sexy stars such as Tracy Shaw, Adam Ricketts and new Scots actress Jacqueline Pirie?
EastEnders has Adam Woodyatt as Ian Beale, so white and ghoulish, he should be nicknamed Dracula.
Only Melanie Clark Pullen, who plays Mary, has any sex appeal and they put her on crutches.
Of course, it isn't just about good-looking actors and actresses. But Coronation Street hasn't fallen into the trap of developing one storyline which they think will bring in the viewers and forgetting all the others in the show.
They can switch from Sally and Kevin''s disastrous marriage, Anne, the mad supermarket manageress, and Des and Natalie's marriage plans. And that's just for starters.
There seems to be humour and life in Corrie which is sadly lacking in EastEnders.
Remember Ali and Sue and their cot-death storyline? It gripped the nation and talked about an important issue.
At the moment, EastEnders has Martin stealing top-shelf dirty mags and being found out.
EastEnders needs to kill off loads of characters and return to the good old days of strong characters, such as Dot, Ethel and Mary the punk. Ruth is only a start.
Make sure she goes with a blast, a bang ... anything to make sure she doesn't return, like Patrick Duffy from that famous Dallas shower.
Like us, Mark deserves a break, a nicer woman who doesn't make us Scots sound like moaning minnies.
A FRIEND of mine thought it would be a good idea to gently coax his granny into the strange world of The X-Files
She was happy to oblige as he was boring her with how the series proved his black- outs weren't due to drink, but because he'd been abducted as a child by aliens.
Granny laughed off his sci-fi ramblings and agreed to watch the show.
She is 80 years old and lists her favourite shows as The Antique's Roadshow, Casualty and The Bill.
Like the shows, she is solid and not prone to flights of fancy.
Imagine his horror when they settled down to initiate granny into the truth that is out there for Mulder and Scully.
No little green men, abductions or conspiracy theories.
Instead, as X Files tends to do from time to time, it was one of their scary, horror episodes that make Tales Of The Unexpected look like the Teletubbies.
Creatures in a forest were grabbing unsuspecting victims and pulling them under the earth.
These so-called Moth People were perfectly camouflaged apart from two scary red eyes.
My friend gripped his seat and breathed deeply, ready for some quick resuscitation in case granny keeled over in shock.
But, as he took a peek, she was not hiding behind a pillow, but absolutely fascinated.
My poor friend got more and more agitated as Mulder and Scully fell into the creature's fridge, complete with corpses.
But granny was still watching intensely. My friend worried that the shock had made her catatonic.
As the programme finished and Scully left the motel room which could have been her grave, two red eyes appeared from under her bed.
For my friend, that was the last straw. He jumped up put all the lights on in the house and has since told me he hasn't been able to sleep well this week.
And granny? Well, as the credits rolled, she turned round and asked:
"Is that the end? I was just getting into that."
FOR the next month, Fridays won't be the same. The wonderful South Park ended last week and Celebrity Death Match is now being tipped as the Next Big Thing on telly.
That's where clay models of showbiz names fight to the death in a wrestling ring. Funny? No ... though the first one, with Hillary Clinton taking on Monica Lewinsky, showed some promise.
But forget the backbiters and clergy-style charlatans who claim South Park is bad. This show has changed cartoons forever. Have you watched The Simpsons lately? Doesn't it seem flatter, more homely and, well, boring compared to Cartman and the lads.
And fans were left on tenterhooks. Who is Cartman's dad - Mr Garrison, chef or an entire American football team?
My guess is the Marlon Brando character - they are both fat with round faces and no one is South Park likes them.
Oh, bring it back.
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| Title Annotation: | Features |
|---|---|
| Author: | Fulton, Rick |
| Publication: | Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland) |
| Date: | Oct 17, 1998 |
| Words: | 1185 |
| Previous Article: | Foodlife; Polenta for everyone. |
| Next Article: | Hitchcock's killer instinct; Frenzy Sky Cinema, 10pm - 11.55pm. |