mum makes me feel like i'm a loser.
Dear Coleen My mum is always putting me down and it's really getting to me.
I'm 23 and I still live at home though I'm saving up to move out.
She's always making comments about my weight, hair and clothes.
I don't have a boyfriend and she's always teasing me for being single. She's not like this with my older brother. He can't do anything wrong.
It's really getting me down but whenever I say anything about it she just tells me I'm being oversensitive and silly.
How can I make her see that her undermining behaviour is really getting me down? Coleen says I think you have to tell her how much she's upsetting you and not just a flippant, "Oh thanks a lot, Mum." Instead, say: "Seriously, Mum, we need to have a chat because it's just not on when you say this stuff to me and it's making me not want to be around you."
Subconsciously, I think your mum is feeling a little put out that you're leaving home. It's a sign that you don't need her any more and she's trying to cling on to you.
By making you insecure, you'll need her more.
I know it's horrible but I have heard of parents doing this.
If she doesn't change, just ignore her and focus on saving up and getting out of there.