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jackson 5.

Byline: LORNE JACKSON

SCIENTISTS have revealed that human evolution is grinding to a halt.

In other words, we'll no longer develop as a species.

From monkey to man - this is as good as it's ever going to get.

Or is it?

The scientists have their view, but I've spotted a few evolutionary trends of my own.

Here's the next few links in the chain. 1HOMO COWELLIS: A spiky-haired mammal, with a fuzzy pelt, or jumper as it's sometimes known. Homo Cowellis has evolved a more complex tongue than the type used by homo sapiens. His secretes venom.

The Homo Cowellis has excellent language skills, though hasn't developed any discernible talents of his own.

He can criticise, but unfortunately can't do... anything. 2HOMO HAPLESS: Past changes in the evolution of man have seen In the future, he'll also lose his backbone, and any decision-making prowess. However, he will retain his eyebrows.

Oh, boy, will he retain his eyebrows!

3 HOMO REALITYTVTWITIS: Type of human that's so advanced, she doesn't need to get involved in any form of hunting or gathering to sustain itself.

Instead, gains sustenance by eating, sleeping and squabbling in front of TV cameras.

4 HOMO ELECTUS: Since we began evolving from apes, man has been losing hair and getting smoother.

But a startling evolutionary jump has witnessed the smoothest type of human yet.

So smooth, in fact, that he believes he'll get everyone's vote, come the general election... without having to bother coming up with any policies.

5 APE: I know, we're meant to have left this basic level of humanity way behind.

But I've spotted traces of a reversal in the evolutionary process.

It usually happens in places like Manchester, and involves people with names like Noel and Liam.
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Title Annotation:Sport
Publication:Sunday Mercury (Birmingham, England)
Date:Oct 12, 2008
Words:292
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