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LAMENTATIONS From the Biblical Guide to Parenting: Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of quiescently frozen dessert you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Indeed when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.

And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Drink your milk as it is given to you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for. If you will dip your blocks in the milk and lick it off, verily, you will be sent away.

And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why. Do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me, for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. (Anonymous e-mail)

VIPs Last year, "Harper's Index" (Harper's, December 2000) noted: "Rank of Bill Clinton among the `most important people in the world today,' according to U.S. schoolchildren: 1. Rank of the pope, J.K. Rowling, and God, respectively: 2, 13, 19. Rank of `myself': 11."


"While the words disappear, the sands shift, and the sidewalks dry, these footprints leave the greatest impression on the soul," thus quoth the poet marketers of the "Shoes of the Fisherman" sandals. "Bless the ground you walk on,-they urge the faithful in their sales pitch.

This new evangelism tool in the form of blue, rubbery plastic flip-flops have the words "Jesus" imprinted on the sole of one sandal and "loves you" on the other, and, voila, "God [is] directing a wonderful new way to proclaim his love."

While in college, Kathleen Farrell, president of Shoes of the Fisherman Inc., says she "thought about ways to spread the Good News. Then the idea came to me to cut out letters from an inner tube and glue them backwards to the bottom of sandals. When I walked from wet grass onto a wooden deck and the sandals left the words Jesus loves you all over, it was awesome."

Company vice president Jack Oberding "dreamed of seeing high school students wearing the sandals in locker rooms and the sandals in the rooms college students wearing them in dorms, protecting their feet and proclaiming their faith. `I had a vision of all these college students taking their sandals with them on spring break to the beach. Jesus loves you was seen from sea to shining sea."

The plastic footwear, the company assures its customers, are "made in Thailand in a clean, Christian-owned factory that employs adult Christian workers who are paid a living wage." (
COPYRIGHT 2001 Claretian Publications
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Copyright 2001, Gale Group. All rights reserved. Gale Group is a Thomson Corporation Company.

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Title Annotation:children's eating habits; footwear
Publication:U.S. Catholic
Article Type:Brief Article
Geographic Code:1USA
Date:Jun 1, 2001
Previous Article:Who is the greatest?
Next Article:Left behind (a Catholic version).

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