A freezing pitch, tight shorts, pale flesh... no, it's not me doing my Alan Partridge warm-ups, I'm referring to school PE lessons.
Oh, the joy of those winter mornings when you emerged from the changing rooms to run circles round a muddy field.
A mad PE teacher would be bellowing at you, still bitter at his faded career and taunted by memories of coming 13th in the Commonwealth Games shot putt.
And what about the bleep test - what was that preparing us for?
I'm sure we can all think of situations in life where you need to run from one end of the room to another and back again.
Our PE teacher was a severe Scottish man who always seemed to have a neckbrace on.
This was due to his aggressive love of exercise - if a sport didn't give you a neck strain, it wasn't worth doing.
Then you had the fussy girls who took one look at the muddy pitch and decided to "forget" their kit.
My most humiliating moment came in Year 7 when we had to learn handstands.
Don't ask me why we were doing them, I thought they only made women do handstands in old black-and-white clips with a stuffy announcer saying "Ladies! Exercise and help win the race against Hitler!"
Anyway, I was rubbish at handstands and my sadistic teacher pulled me out in front of the class to give a demonstration (old Neck Brace knew what he was doing).
When he gave me the nod, I tried and subsequently fell on my head (cue roaring laughter from the entire class).
Seeing those twisted, laughing faces - all looking at me from a weird upside down angle - still haunts me today.
But we all had our moments - one lad decided to play football with a basketball, until he booted it and saw it canon off a girl's head and leave her with concussion.
Good old PE... mud, humiliation, neck braces and concussion.
* Will Sutton is a trainee reporter with the Evening Gazette and will be making a youthful insight into the world of education every week.
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|Title Annotation:||Jobs & Learning|
|Publication:||Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England)|
|Date:||Apr 13, 2005|
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