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Your Problems: Floored by this family bombshell; LETTER OF THE DAY.

Byline: Miriam Stoppard

MY life's been a disaster. When I was young my father deserted my mother and me.

Then, at 12, I was sexually abused by one of my mum's boyfriends.

My mum turned to drink and brought a different man home every night, then hated herself and beat me up.

At 15, I got pregnant but my boyfriend stood by me and we went on to have two more children. Then he was killed in a car crash.

Two years ago I met a lovely man and we married six months ago. He's kind and generous and everything seemed perfect.

That was until last week when I was told I was adopted. I thought my life was just getting on track but I've found out my family isn't really my family. It's doing my head in.

VYOU'VE had a very rough time but, even now, you're not giving up. The fact that you've written to me for help is an indication you're ready and willing to make changes to improve your life and that of your family. And for this you must be congratulated.

The root of your emotional confusion lies in the fact you've been let down so often by the very people who should have offered succour and security.

The finishing touch is discovering you were adopted. How can anyone be expected to make sense of this all by themselves?

You need help and my first suggestion is that you speak to a counsellor. It may be possible to get a short course of counselling on the NHS, so speak to your doctor in the first instance.

I'd also like you to make contact with an organisation that specialises in offering counselling to adult adoptees.

The organisation is called NORCAP - supporting adults affected by adoption - and they run a telephone listening and advice line and can recommend counsellors on 01865 875000, open from 10am-1pm and 1.30pm-4.30pm, Monday to Friday. Or visit their website

As a member, NORCAP can provide you with emotional support as well as practical advice on matters such as how to go about contacting your birth mother (if this is possible in your case).

If any information exists about her, they will help you find it. They can also put you in touch with people who have been similarly affected by adoption.

Because you have been through such a lot, you can't expect everything to fall into place instantaneously. It will take quite some time for these issues to be dealt with, so patience must be an integral part of your recovery.

But where there's a will there's a way - and you most definitely have the will.
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 2003 Gale, Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:May 14, 2003
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