Young Boys the root of puerile smuttiness; PULLED OFF AT HALF-TIME.
I'M flattering myself that last week's column in praise of Craig Bellamy may have played a small part in the Welshman's dream transfer to Cardiff.
So, if any other unsettled footballers require Pulled Off's help in securing a move to a less prestigious club, in a lower division, paying significantly less money, please get in touch.
This is the column that makes things happen, although not necessarily good things.
Anyway, the Bell's good fortune was a rare bright spot in a tough week for those of us who prefer good, wholesome fun to puerile smuttiness.
Inevitably, Tottenham's Champions League qualifier in Switzerland was at the root of the trouble. Apparently there's something amusing about the fact that Spurs were given a rough ride by Young Boys early on, but came from behind to set up a thrilling climax.
I'm convinced Young Boys did not emerge organically - the club was clearly founded by a consortium of irreverent sports columnists and office characters.
They probably received financial backing from Europe's biggest manufacturer of ribald text message jokes and initially hoped to base the team in the French town of Condom. (I've heard it's rubbery at this time of year... ) Oh yes, they had all sorts of clever plans. They'd sign Waldo Ponce, Brian Pinas, Rafael Scheidt and David Goodwillie and appoint Otto Pfister and Jimmy Rimmer as the managerial dream team.
Thankfully, Uefa have started to take action and Young Boys' titter-provoking Wankdorf Stadium has been replaced by the more sensibly named Stade de Suisse.
If there's one thing that Pulled Off At Half-Time will not tolerate, it's a crude double entendre.