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Young, dumb and making me numb.

Byline: nathan bevan

SO far I'd managed to stopmyself from watching Young, Dumb And Living Off Mum on BBC Three.

Doctor's orders, you understand.

The show plays absolute buggery with my blood pressure.

The type of programme that's a water-tight argument for bringing back conscription, taking a bunch of spoilt, cosseted teenagers who can barely be bovvered to chew their own food and putting them in a house together to experience independent life away from mummy's apron strings.

I lasted about 10 minutes into the first episode in which one posho who didn't washo and had a laugh like an aristocratic donkey got kicked out before a big angry Y-shaped vein started appearing on my forehead.

So pronounced was it that every one who saw me thought I was constantly asking a question.

Luckily, by last week's finale the housemates had become a little bit wiser, even if you did have to use a sub-atomic scale of measurement to assess the change.

Faced with the challenge of giving some young, less well-off people's flats a make-over 18-year-old hair-obsessive Coran from Pontypool, pictured right, manned up for the first time in his life.

Having spent much of his teenage years taking half-hourly pictures of himself on his mobile to check his appearance and ringing his mum downstairs from bed to demand his dinner, Coran had hitherto been, to put it charitably, nothing more than an oxygen thief.

Dressing up to impersonate an STI ("Mr Gonorrheoa") for a mid-series safe-sex awareness challenge had thus far been the most infectious thing about his personality.

But, in fairness, he did a good job brightening up the home of a young guy who'd lost both parents at a young age, whose tale of woe made him realise how much he'd been taking his own family for granted.

Elsewhere, shaving brush-haired Levi (think Kid N' Play crossed with Beaker from The Muppet Show) got a taste of dealing with lazy work-shy fops much like himself when put in charge of a team of volunteers for hisDIYmakeover task.

"I'm gonna get her to clean the toilet with her f****** face," he snapped after one recalcitrant helper asked for some rubber gloves before embarking under the rim to remove any clinkers.

A future role in middle management beckons, methinks.

Lastly, Geordie princess Danielle also showed a glimmer of goodness from beneath her usual two default settings of screamingly truculent and being tearily covered in more mascara than Alice Cooper on the log flume at Alton Towers.

The girl whose digs she'd been enlisted to get all ChangingRooms with was so poor her lounge only had a fridge in it, with a telly balanced on top.

And I bet it wasn't even high-def either, poor cow.

Amazing though Levi (aptly named because of his selfish genes) won and was awarded with a round-the-world trip.

His celebratory speech? "You'd have to be inside me to feel what I feel right now, it's just amazing."

I'd be careful whose company you're in before you repeat that during your travels, if I were you.


CORAN: Manned up for the first time on BBC Three
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Publication:Wales On Sunday (Cardiff, Wales)
Date:Sep 5, 2010
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