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You cannot silence me with sex.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an article on deadbeat dads. I am sure you can imagine the uproar, especially from men. Many people do not like the truth. I have even been criticised for refusing to see the good in men and accused of hating men.

These are very misplaced assumptions in my humble (half humble) opinion. I was taught early never to ASSUme things. It makes an ASS of U. The most interesting thing I heard, let me loosely label it as feedback, was that I, Felgonah, Nyar (daughter of) Okoth Owiro, needs sex. That men are abandoning their responsibilities and because I pointed it out, I must need a romp, in the sack or wherever, and they say it is women who like sleeping their way through things.

Listen, I know the dangling between your legs impresses you. A lot. Please calm down, though; it is not the answer to anything. Yes, your mother might think you will give her useful grandchildren, but I think the government needs to take it seriously that men like you are reproducing.

Until men are ready to point out each other's shortcomings, until men are ready to hold each other accountable, the world, yes, all of it, will continue to be a hard place to live in. You cannot pretend to mind your own business and watch while women and children suffer. If your friend is a deadbeat dad, you must say something.

I know men pride themselves in not interfering (head in the sand, if you ask me), but listen, we are all members of this society. If one of us is not cooperating, then we will all eventually suffer. If you have children who are not being mentored, children who lack basic needs, children growing up with a myriad of emotional problems because their father has decided to exercise his right to be an imp and you do not do anything, remember these children are members of this very society.

Reminds me of a story of a woman who went to ask someone (a man) to talk to a certain being. Because they were friends and this someone was a born-again Christian (I used to think that meant something), It was thought, nay, ASSUmed, that he would counsel his friend. Even just ask him to consider his children.

Mr someone asked for time pray to his God first. Fair enough. After praying though, he said his God had not 'put it' (what 'it' is) in his heart to tell his friend to look after his children. (Christians can be the biggest fools, but that is a whole different article). So they continued being friends and worshipping their God.

Why are some men happy to watch as their friends drop the ball? Are you really friends? How do you hang out with someone and you know he can afford to look after his children but will not? You call him your friend. Why is it business as usual? If one of your friends is a deadbeat and you accept him, you are partisan to that rubbish and I hope the universe gives unto you as unto your deadbeat friend.

Children are our future, they should be protected. All children. By all adults. I am standing up for my children, my friends' children, children of people I do not know. I will not stand by and watch. Duck that. I will use everything in my arsenal to make things uncomfortable until things change. I have been told it is not attractive to be aggressive, but I am not trying to be attractive; I am fighting for what I feel needs to change. If I ruffle a few feathers, I do not care. I never cared much for feathers anyway.

So to the ducks who think I need sex because I point out that children are suffering, I think you need more exposure. Lift your heads, try reading a book or two. Yes, there are women who also do not do their part. I am tackling the deadbeat dads, you tackle the deadbeat mums. Together, let us change the nation, we shall meet in the middle.
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Publication:The Star (Nairobi, Kenya)
Date:Jul 4, 2019
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