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YOUR PROBLEMS: I've found mum at 81.

Byline: Miriam Stoppard

I WAS adopted as a baby. Now I'm married and have four children.

My eldest child traced my mother by putting adverts in the paper. It turns out she's 81 now.

I spoke to her on the phone and she said she always knew the day would come when I'd turn up. She's delighted and lovely to talk to.

Nothing was said about meeting up and I don't know whether to do so. I have such mixed feelings and my family can't understand why I'm not over the moon.

I'D be feeling similar trepidation. On the one hand, this is the conclusion of years of searching, and on the other you are faced with the reality of whether you can form any kind of relationship. At the moment, you're complete strangers and don't know if you can have anything in common apart from the same blood ties.

There's also likely to be an element of resentment that she gave you up for adoption, and you may be frightened there'll be only a short time to make up for all those years you've been separated.

Very few of us are given second chances and I think you'll regret it if you miss the opportunity to see your mum at least once, so I urge you to go for it and make the arrangements.

If you have realistic expectations, you should be OK.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Feb 7, 2003
Words:234
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