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MEN in lederhosen with feathery hats, cheap-looking placards, beefy blokes bouncing five stone bells off their knees... it could only be the World Cup opening ceremony in Ger many. Or a Heather Mills erotic video.
Could you imagine an English equivalent, with Morris men and a team of old boys playing cribbage? The idea would be laughed out at the planning stage.
We're embar rassed by our folk customs. To truly represent the state of English culture today, our ceremony would need a bloke up a roof throwing bricks at a Chief Constable who was gamely trying to serve him KFC by the bucket.