What's in a name.
The number of words that can be teased out of a name various considerably from one candidate to the next. The three most fecund ones are John Edwards, Fred Thompson and Hillary Clinton; the three most recalcitrant are John McCain, Mike Huckabee and Barack Obama. Taking them in reverse order:
JOHN MCCAIN The longest words in his name are only five letters, such as CONIC; longer ones include the proper names JOHANN, MONICA (of Bill Clinton fame) and JOACHIM, as well as MINOAN. His only mascot is a CONCH. One can describe him as MANIC, a COMIC, and a MACHO CON MAN.
BARACK OBAMA His longest words are also five letters: ABACK, AROMA, CROAK and MACRO. For mascot he has a choice of COBRA, CRAB, RAM or BOAR. Is he a RAMBO when considering the use of an atomic BOMB?
MIKE HUCKABEE Again, only five-letter words: BEECH, BEACH, IMBUE, HAIKU, KHAKI and CHIME. His mascot is a BEE, or more generically a CUB or a BUCK. He is MEEK (no doubt turning the other CHEEK) but is he the ACME of perfection, or just a HAM or HACK?
RUDY GIULIANI At last a candidate rises to the seven-letter plateau: RAILING, DIURNAL, GRANDLY, RIGIDLY, ANGRILY. His sole mascot is the GNU. Rudy's cross-dressing is recognized by GIRL, LADY, GAY, DARLING and DRAG. He sports a host of negatives: UGLY, DINGY, LIAR (and LYING), ANGRY, RIGID--yet he is a DARING GURU with a GRIN. His motto? I--I RUN GAUDILY (or I RUIN GAUDILY).
MITT ROMNEY His name contains the eight-letter ENORMITY, using 80 per cent of the letters; could this refer to his Mormonism? He is represented by the OTTER and the TERN. One should not earn his ENMITY, for he has an elephantine MEMORY; but he may be motivated by MONEY. Take your choice of mottos: MY, I TORMENT or MY, I'M ROTTEN.
JOHN EDWARDS He has the eight-letter SHADOWED and a host of seven-letter words in his name: HOARDED, ADORNED, ONWARDS, WANDERS, WONDERS. He has a choice of many mascots including HORSE, SHREW, HARE, WREN, HEN and SWAN. He lives by the SWORD, but is also a master of SHREWD WORDS. Is he an ADORED HERO or a HORNED devil? His motto, AND DREW JOSH, alludes to the fact that other candidates rib him in debates.
FRED THOMPSON In his name are found the eight-letter words DOORSTEP, SMOOTHED, SMOOTHER, PROMOTED, PROMOTES and SPOONFED (the longest-known word in reverse alphabetical order). Again, many mascots are present: HORSE, HERON, HEN, MOOSE, HORNET and MOTH. He has an amazing number of derogatory names (MORON, DESPOT, PEST, POOFTER, SNOOP, MONSTER, DOPE, FOP, DEMON with HORNS) and is POOR, SOFT, MOROSE and STONED--yet he can be a HERO with HONOR! He has the sexy motto HOT FOND SPERM (P.S. DEMON FROTH).
HILLARY CLINTON She ascends to the ten-letter plateau with IRONICALLY and CORINTHIAN, followed by the eight-letter CLITORAL, COITALLY, TRILLION, CARILLON and LOCALITY. Her mascots include a CAT, RAT, ANT, ROACH--and a LION. She is ARCH, COY, CHILLY, AIRY, OILY, IRONICAL and a RICH HORNY LIAR subject to periods of INACTION and INANITY--but she is LOYAL. Nevertheless, some think she is HOLY and wears a HALO. (Does this provide enough CLARITY?) Her motto reflects her cool demeanor: RANT? I ONLY CHILL!
A. ROSS ECKLER
Morristown, New Jersey
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|Author:||Eckler, A. Ross|
|Date:||Feb 1, 2008|