We love telly; Trading places.
AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 TRADES C4, 10pm
EVEN Sir Alan Sugar would think twice before sending his would-be Apprentices to the Sudan to try to haggle with camel dealers.
But that's what Conor Woodman is attempting to do as we join him on what you might call Travels With My Wallet.
Having packed in his desk job as a City market analyst, he's using pounds 25,000 of his own money to see how he'd get on trading in actual goods instead of just symbols on a computer screen.
Now I don't know what your opinion is of good-looking London City boys who can take four months out to travel around the world on a whim. But the Sudanese camel couldn't be less with Conor if he'd out of a camel's bottom.
And while that might seem a disaster, it actually out to be the saving of series.
Because I can't think of I'd less like to watch the moment than somebody smugly around flashing his wad at richer. Conor's next discovery - that selling coffee beans isn't as easy as simply clicking your mouse on a button marked "deal" - turns out to be another humbling experience.
It involves a process called cupping, which is every bit as humiliating as it sounds.
One thing that doesn't make much sense is Conor's theory that the way to get rich is to cut out the middleman. He is the middleman but, despite that, you'll share his sense of relief when he finally gets shot of one dodgy investment and breathes: "Thank God for that!" By the time he sets off for China with his next random consignment you'll probably have rather warmed to him and actually be willing him to succeed.
WE LOVE FACTUAL
THE MILLIONAIRE AND THE MURDER MANSION C4, 9pm
SMILING photographs on a mantelpiece only ever tell part of the story of what really goes on in supposedly happy families.
Millionaire Christopher Foster murdered his wife Jill and daughter Kirstie, 15, before setting fire to the country home in Shropshire in August 2008.
Given extraordinary access as West Mercia police literally sift through evidence, this film attempts to discover the how and the why of it.
Even a hardened scene-ofcrime officer describes it, in numbed tones, as the most despicable thing he's ever seen.
Interviews with Foster's mother, but most especially with his estranged brother Andrew, slowly paint a picture of why this controlling man saw his wife and daughter - as well as their dogs and horses - as his possessions.
"This is anger," says Andrew, as he surveys burned-out Osbaston House for the first time. "His way of getting back at the world. 'No one's having anything. I'm destroying the lot.' "
THE MENTALIST FIVE, 9pm
YOU don't meet many men called Jane but this doesn't seem to bother mind-meddling detective Patrick Jane (Simon Baker) - his colleagues only ever call him by his last name.
His Abracadabra approach to crime keeps him one step ahead tonight as the bureau investigates the murder of a surfer named Chris found on a beach.
She's been drowned but not in the sea, and clunked on the head but not by a surfboard. Quite a riddle.
So, naturally, Jane's first question to her friends is: "If Chris was a colour what colour would she be?" It makes a refreshing change from boring, "Where were you on the night of the 14th... ?" stuff police usually fill their notebooks with.
I'm not sure what this hocus pocus reveals - and neither are his colleagues, which means Jane is left to do pretty much whatever he likes - even if it's hanging out at the beach making sandcastles.
Nice work if you can get it.
EMMERDALE ITV1, 7pm
NATHAN'S shaping up to be a really nasty piece of work and surpasses himself tonight: sticking it to two people in one day.
For Andy Sugden, he's planning to extend his family's gravel pit right over his farmland, though frankly I can't see this happening, can you? We watch Emmerdale for the scenery as much as anything and nobody wants to watch Daz and Victoria sulking in front of a large hole in the ground. Then Nathan makes sure Lee can't turn up for his date with Katie by sending him off to look for poachers. Actually, it's the poachers that Lee really needs to watch out for as he stumbles on some of their handiwork. Very nasty.
EASTENDERS BBC1, 7.30pm
MUCH talk of running-overs today as Lauren, who meant to kill her dad but didn't, takes the stand in court, and Ronnie cross-examines Janine, who didn't mean to kill Danielle but did.
Elsewhere, there's more detective work as Mo and Jean suspect Brenda of cheating, and Libby and Darren warn Chelsea they think Theo's a fake.
Meanwhile, Tommy is still patiently interviewing Patrick as research for what is shaping up to be the dullest book in history. The question is how to stop him rumbling on endlessly about saltfish and ska, and get him on to more interesting stuff. More rum, Patrick?
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DESERT STORM Will Conor get a good deal? CONTROLLING Foster and family ME JANE Patrick at the double YOUDUNNIT Ronnie confronts Janine