We love Telly!: SOAPWATCH: EMMERDALE ITV1, 7pm.
HOW many people does it take to have a relationship in Emmerdale?
The answer, of course, is five. One to fall in love, one to sneak out in the morning in shame, two to persuade them they're both making a terrible mistake. And not forgetting the private detective.
Simon and Nicola are appalled that Lesley has woken up with Rodney - and not just because he sleeps in his bootlace tie. While Jo and Danny are horrified that Paddy has come back from Portugal with a gold-digger who's only pretending that her name is Fireblade.
And Sadie employs her regular private dick to dig the dirt on Kelly "The Bike" Windsor. Surprise, surprise, most of Kelly's modelling career was spent on all fours. But I suspect this would only make Jimmy fancy her more, not less...
BED BEAU: Rodney and his bootlace tie