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We're sold on the Apprentice.

Byline: By Jamie Diffley

Sometimes the nice guy DOES win. Alan Sugar rejected pushy loudmouth Saira to hand his coveted apprenticeship to Tim.

Based on the American version with Donald Trump, BBC2's The Apprentice was nothing short of brilliant from start to finish.

Saira was convinced she had the pounds 100,000 job in the bag.

"Do I think I'm better than the other 13?" she asked her fabulous self. "Yes I do. Because I worked with every one of them and I shone through."

If Saira's definition of "working with" people is to dictate, shout, manipulate, pee off and patronise then she's spot-on.

But for all her faults (and, yes, there were several) surely even the most ardent of Saira-haters warmed to her a tad by the end. She started to relax, have a giggle and almost appeared human. Almost.

There can't have been many people not rooting for her during that final showdown with the hideous Paul. What an odious little man. Obviously still smarting from being fired last week, he took every opportunity to belittle Saira.

"How she got to be in this position, God only knows," he muttered through clenched teeth.

Possibly by being a better salesperson and slightly more bearable than you Paul. Just a thought.

Meanwhile, during the final task, poor ticket sales meant the possibility of Tim's floating fashion show succeeding was looking as likely as a Tory General Election victory.

"The fashion industry is full of ponces," warned Sir Alan as ticket sales flagged. "They don't pay for anything."

Yeah, them and journalists.

The best reality show I've seen. Ever. Including Celebrity Wrestling.

NWHICH, by the way, is utter trash. A poor man's Gladiators and even that was rubbish.

Low on celebrity, low on wrestling and dangerously low on viewers according to the latest figures.

The oh-so staged afters are too cringey, Kate "look at me, look at me, I'm friends with the Gallaghers" Thornton is too shouty, and the overall effect is just too scummy for words. So I'll stop talking about it.

NSPEAKING of tacky TV, Footballers' Wives goes from mad to worse. Coleen Rooney (or Shannon or whatever) has decided to adopt a granny for a week to show her caring side.

But when left alone in the house, this granny likes smearing Coleen's make-up over her face and pulling on her thigh high boots and mini skirts.

Worrying thing was, nana's legs looked better than the tree trunks Coleen seems so keen on displaying at every opportunity.

Elsewhere Dr Fox proved he was a winner. Well, he would be if there was an award for Most Awful Cameo Appearance in the History of Television.

Foxy was playing himself and he wasn't even convincing at that. I'd tell him not to give up the day job but I'd actually rather he spared us all and did that as well.

And finally we had whippersnapper Sebastian and Kathy Beale, getting it on up against the bedroom door. Noooooo! It's just not right.

She eventually pushed him away. Seb, if you really want to woo wor Kathy, can I suggest you take a little trip to a layby on the A1? Apparently she likes the scenery.

NOVER at Coronation Street, Ian has been busy making Sally's life as difficult as possible. And she thought Angela Harris had it bad.

"You're in for a bumpy ride," slimed the creepy car boss.

Pardon my ignorance, but isn't that what got her into this mess in the first place?

NCAUGHT the reruns of The League of Gentlemen the other night. Not only had I forgotten just how fabulous it is but it reminded me from where Little Britain has ripped off all its ideas.

Pauline = Marjorie Dawes only twice as funny. Edward and Tubbs = shopkeeper and Margaret only twice as funny. Sex change Barbara Dixon = transvestite Emily Howard, only twice as funny. Are you detecting a theme here?

"Welcome to Royston Vasey," reads the sign into the village. "You'll never leave." Looks like that's certainly true in the case of Matt Lucas and David Walliams.

NAND finally, if you catch one thing this week, make sure it's Nighty Night, Tuesday, BBC3. Julia Davies deserves award after award for her genius performance as the appalling Jill Tyrell.

This is the first series repeated and it's just as good second time round. It's so near to the knuckle, it'll have you watching from between your fingers. But it'll also have you aching with laughter (albeit guiltily).

Entertaining, intelligent, witty and controversial. Which is more than can be said for Celebrity bloody Wrestling.
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Publication:Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)
Date:May 7, 2005
Words:766
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