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VALERIE HILL: Pilkington Glass.

Byline: VALERIE HILL

ST HELEN'S most successful export, besides Pilkington Glass, is currently comedy super-slob Johnny Vegas. He's just been signed up by Hollywood to appear in the sequel to last summer's smash hit,Pirates of the Caribbean.

Most recently Vegas starred as Dave the spud lugger in Sex Lives of the Potato Men, a dire new British film which received some of the worst reviews ever. Critic Will Self called it: ``Mirthless, worthless, toothless, useless.''and The Times thundered: ``One of the two most nauseous films ever made.''

Vegas would ``die'' if his parents ever saw Potato Men,but is otherwise unrepentant: ``To be in the `worst ever'?Sorry,but I take a certain amount of pride in that.''It's not all been an upward spiral of success, though. At school he claims educational psychologists thought he was autistic,but discovered simply that no one wanted to talk to him.

LETTING my guard down while watching Caroline Quentin in writer Mike ``Cold Feet'' Bullen's Life Begins (aneveryday comedy drama of marital breakdown and associated child trauma), I found myself starting to care. Ms Quentin is quite engaging and the series is a cut above the usual formulaic ITV fare. But midway through a key emotional scene, the picture contracted and up flashed the night's forthcoming ITV schedule.

Are today's television executives so lacking in confidence about their programmes that they have to crassly snap into prime time shows with reminders to ensure we don't loseinterest? The BBC's obsession with trailers between programmes is sick-makingenough,but this is a new low.

A SURVEY claims that women are so insecure about their bodies that one in five will only undress in front of their husband if the light is off.

The well-upholstered cook Clarissa Dickson-Wright, who startlingly reveals she is ``no Playboy centre-fold'',has rushed to the aid of all worried wobblies.

She says: ``I don't understand how anybody can have a good time in bed if they'renot dressed appropriately. You wear hunting boots to go hunting in, a wet suit to go diving in and your birthday suit to make love in.

It's as simple as that.'' She should know,of course,being a true countrywoman so close to the ways of nature. Ooh -ah.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Post (Liverpool, England)
Date:Mar 19, 2004
Words:375
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