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This crystal ball just a little cracked.

Byline: The Register-Guard

FORGET THE Enquirer. Forget the Star. Forget the Weekly World News.

When it comes to gazing into a cracked crystal ball, reading bumps on a bald man's head or flipping Tarot cards into an empty hat, the supermarket tabloids can't hold a candle to the 20Below's own master soothsayer ...

Alex of Eugenio! (Better known as 20Below News Team writer Alex Hongo.)

Knower of all that is unknown and seer of all that is unseen, Alex has emerged from his hideaway bungalow in the south hills long enough to bestow upon 20Below readers his predictions for 2002.

The 10 top events to rock our little world in the coming year will be:

1 Montana will fall victim to a monstrous earthquake and drift away into the Pacific Ocean, beating California by seven years.

2 Cellular phones will continue to shrink, but at double the current rate, becoming completely invisible to the naked eye by late August.

3 An eyewitness will hear scripture read by the voice of a God at a Wendy's drive-thru. The eyewitness will reach enlightenment and finally order the chicken salad with light dressing.

4 Group therapy circles, also called support groups, in which addicts, abusers and the abused meet weekly to discuss their problems, will become immensely popular - more than yoga or even SUVs.

5 With this new popularity, there will be sufficient interest for new types of support groups to form. Most popular of these new groups will be Survivors of Abusive Weather and Circle for People Who Frequently Stub Their Toes.

6 Apple will release yet another kind of iMac, again revolutionizing the industry of Ugly Plastic Things.

7 Skinner Butte will erupt in a fit of rage, spewing forth unrestrained fury as well as numerous joggers. Local activists will persuade the butte to join a support group to control its emotions.

8 Rap will die and hip-hop will return to take its place. Nobody will notice.

9 In Atlantis, Bat Boy and the Alligator Baby will meet face to face, awaiting a scheduled UFO visit from Elvis. Tabloids will rejoice, and the time-space continuum promptly will collapse.

10 And the most unbelievable, shocking prediction of mine is that everyone in Eugene will vote. Not only that, but they will support a measure to allocate more funds to schools in this state. It actually will pass, negating the upcoming budget cuts, ensuring class sizes of fewer than 30 students and keeping music and art programs available.

Alex Hongo is a junior at South Eugene High. He can be reached by e-mail at
COPYRIGHT 2001 The Register Guard
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 2001, Gale Group. All rights reserved. Gale Group is a Thomson Corporation Company.

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Title Annotation:General News
Publication:The Register-Guard (Eugene, OR)
Date:Dec 31, 2001
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