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The wisdom of our Scouse Nans; 33 sayings from Liverpool grans.

Byline: SEAN BRADBURY ECHO Reporter @seanbrad2

EVERY Liverpool grandmother has her favourite phrases - so we asked Liverpool ECHO readers to recall the most memorable sayings in their family. Here are your top 33 Scouse nan shouts:? Turn the lights off, it's like Blackpool illuminations in here - A basic, if slightly exaggerated, command. ? Couldn't take you to the Adelphi - Sarcastic rebuke when food is dropped at mealtimes. ? If I don't see you through the week, I'll see you through the window - Nonsensical yet somehow wise-sounding sign off. ? Go on a message for me lad - Instruction to run an errand. Often involving the collection of milk/cigarettes.

? Close the door...were you born in a barn? - Barns are drafty. Nans tend not to like drafts.

? I'll be waiting till Dick docks and he hasn't got a boat - Said when something will take a long time or might never happen.

? That will be a pig's foot in the morning - Often said in deadpan and fear-inducing manner to a child with a minor injury. ? That'd put years on a weekly boat - About something which requires a lot of effort.

? He's got a gob like the Mersey tunnel - Said about a loud-mouthed person.

? You'd trip over a match with the wood scraped off - Often said after a clumsy incident.

? I'm as old as me nose and a little bit older than me teeth - Cryptic nan answer to the question "how old are you?" ? If you tell her you might as well tell the ECHO - Said about someone who likes to talk.

? I wouldn't do that for a big clock - When not even a large time-telling device could tempt a nan to join in a certain activity. ? If he put his hand down the toilet he'd find a gold watch - Said about a lucky person.

? Take a walk till your hat floats - Said to someone who is annoying a nan ? He'd scare a police horse - Said about someone not blessed with good looks ? She'd make a glass eye cry - Improbable insult ? Lend us your hat, we're having soup - Reader Trev Jenks suggests nans liked to fan hot food with hats, especially flat caps.

? Don't come running to me if you break your leg - A harsh but fair warning ? Standing there like one of Lewis's - Said about someone being lazy ? Stop picking your nose or you won't go to the party - Said even when there isn't a party to attend ? Icky the fire bobby - A nan's default response when asked for a name by a nosy grandchild ? Go home will yer, ya ma's got cake - When a nan wants you out of her house and creates a cunning culinary diversion ? She'd make a friend in an empty house - Said about a sociable type ? You've had yer eye wiped there - The nan version of "get the stun" or "buzzed off " ? He's got more money than soft Joe - Said about a wealthy individual ? Cough it up, it might be a bus - Following a grandchild's throat-clearing reflex ? Who knitted your face and dropped a stitch? - Addressed to a sulker ? Eat your tea or you'll waste away to a warehouse - Said to encourage clean plates ? Use your loaf even if it's half-baked - Think about it (even if you are thick ? Act daft and I'll buy you a coal yard - A blunt warning to wise up and be honest ? Well I'll go to the end of our street - Said by a nan in disbelief ? She wouldn't laugh if she saw a chair walk - Said about someone not inclined to smile

CAPTION(S):

NAN SENSE: If she doesn't see you through the week, she'll see you through the window - even if she couldn't take you to the Adelphi
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Publication:Liverpool Echo (Liverpool, England)
Date:Jan 19, 2014
Words:615
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