The secret diary of Harper Seven Beckham; Aged 12 dAys ANd FIVe ANd 3/4 hours.
JULY 11, 2011 Dahling Diary, AMAZEBAllS to meet you. Your look is, like, beyond.
OK, so today I made my debut. When I first saw my mother I was, like, SO embarrassed. Here was a creature who'd literally given birth in head to toe Cavalli with co-ordinating accessories from her own line that were totally TDF* and what was I wearing? like, nothing! It was so the opposite of major. It was, like, minor.
She air-kissed me on near both cheeks, but I could tell she was confused by my lack of look.
She probably thought it was some gloomy "I'd rather go naked than wear fur" protest. Quelle horreur!
There was some confusion when I first arrived - the nurse shouted "Seven pounds, 10 ounces!" and Mommie Dearest screamed "Alright, no need to rub it in - I have just had a baby! I'll be back to normal in a day and a half, you'll see." Someone's releasing a statement announcing my birth, which is a MAJOR downer. It's going to make it, like, totes imposs to lie about my age when the time comes (next month). Puked on Mom on purpose, to show my disapproval, but a bodyguard threw himself into the line of fire so it landed on him instead. Amaze.
JULY 13, 2011 My nursery suite is beyond risickulous, obvs. It's SO NOW, and yet, so Dior Spring/Summer 2025 at the same time. Gorge.
Mom seems to know him, so I'm sure it's OK, but there's this guy who comes in and stares at me adoringly all the time, even when I'm power napping. He, like, literally can't take his eyes off me. I don't mind though - he is HOT! He's flirty too... he keeps saying "Who's your Daddy?" Saucy!
JULY 15, 2011 Everyone round here is, like, obsessed with me learning how to tell the time, like, despite my tender years days.
"Half past seven, half past seven" - it's all they ever seem to say to me! OK, chill, people, I get the hint.
I've totes obvs been born into a family of over-achievers, but it'll be fine, I'll keep up.
I'm already in talks about a range of Babegrance - baby fragrance - and my first Testino shoot has just been confirmed. By me.
But if you ask me, one of my brothers is broken. He keeps spinning round on his head. The hottie can stop doing that silly voice now too, it's not funny any more.
AND WHAT'S A GIRl GOTTA DO TO GET A PEEK AT THE WORlD FAMOUS HANDBAG COllECTION, EH? I mean, doesn't she know who I am? Note to self: Mom winced when she picked me up today. Find out calorific content of breast milk URGENTlY.
*To Die For
hEy, BaBE nVictoria and Harper Seven