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The magic of a surgeon's touch.

MIKE Warren-Madden of Crackpot Cottage, Brockley (it's on the border between Brockholes and Honley) is a man of many attributes: inventor, innovator, joker, japer and champion tripe eater.

I applauded his attempts to have the Royal Yacht Britannia moored on the River Holme as a tourist attraction when it was retired in 1997 and he showed progressive thinking when he wrote to the Queen suggesting rooms at Buckingham Palace be rented out as timeshares and could he have the first two weeks in August.

Perhaps Her Majesty might be more receptive to the suggestion if he tried again. Most 90-year-olds might enjoy the company while augmenting their pension.

If he did get the first two weeks in August he would now be a perfect guest as he has lost one special attribute with which he was afflicted for years.

"I became Britain's first professional snorer after getting a booking to test the soundproofing of the Swallow Hotel in Gateshead," he says. The fame stuck.

Sky TV, he says, used video footage of him in bed snoring to accompany any sleep-related stories they covered for years. His snoring ability became known around the world and he was asked to test a device to stop people snoring - without success.

"It was more torture than cure. Then I was given a strip of plastic to stick up my nose - boy was that painful." His nights were broken by his loud respiratory vibrations. "Every time I lay on my back in bed the room rumbled to a snorty snore. My wife Shirley suffered from many sleepless nights." Until now.

"I went into hospital April 28 to have an operation on a worn-out shoulder. While waiting to go into theatre I warned them that I snored like a pig.

The surgeon said, don't worry, we'll sort that out. A couple of hours later I woke up in my room on my back and thought it strange I hadn't woken myself up with a big snore."

He went home the next day and Shirley tells him he has remained snoreless ever since. Perhaps his cure is psychosomatic or a bizarre by-product of anesthesia.

"Ever since I was 16 I've been a loud snorer. Shirl's chuffed to bits that she can get a decent night's sleep now. I used to go by the name of Big ZZZZZ.

It seems it's gone for good which is great in one sense but I'm still feeling a little sad. I feel I've lost a friend."

Has anyone else had an operation for one ailment and been cured of another?

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Publication:Huddersfield Daily Examiner (Huddersfield, England)
Date:May 3, 2016
Words:435
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