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The first thanksgiving or "what a bunch of turkeys!".

THE FIRST THANSGIVING IN AMERICA IS SHROUDED IN THE FOG OF LEGEND AND THE MIST OF MYTH.

WE BELIEVED IT TOOK PLACE IN THE AUTUMN OF 1621 ...

AND WAS CELEBRATED IN HARMONY WITH A FEAST ENJOYED BY THE PILGRIMS AND THE NATIVE AMERICAN TRIBE, THE WAMAPANOAG.

HOWEVER A RECENTLY DISCOVERED DOCUMENT HIDDEN BEHIND A BRASS BUCKLE ON A BLACK BOOT ...

... BELIEVED TO HAVE BEEN WORN BY A PARTAKER OF THAT FEAST, BARTHOLOMEW "HALF-MAST" ALLERTON, REVEALS THAT ALL WAS NOT WELL ...

... THE HARMONY HAD A SOUR NOTE.

THANK YOU FOR INVITING US TO YOUR THANKGIVING DINNER, WILLIAM BRADFORD.

WE HAVE BROUGHT VENISON TO GRACE YOUR TABLE.

DEER?

THAT'S SWEET, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME CHIEF.

THANK YOU, OH GREAT SACHEM OF THE WAMAPANOAG, CHIEF MASSASOIT.

WE ARE HONORED THAT YOU CAME OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS TO OUR HOME TODAY AND DINING ON VENISON IS VERY DEAR TO US.

HOWEVER, WE HAVE BAD NEWS.

NO STUFFING!?

NO TURKEYS.

THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.

"THANKGIVING WITHOUT TURKEY IS LIKE A BOW WITHOUT ARROWS ..."

" ... A NECKLACE WITHOUT BEADS ..."

"... A MOCASSIN WITHOUT A SOLE ..."

... PEANUT BUTTER WITHOUT JELLY

THEY GET IT, CHIEF.

IT'S MY FAULT, OH GREAT MASSASOIT. TAKING CARE OF THE FIREARMS WAS MY RESPONSIBILITY.

I FAILED TO DO IT AND MYLES STANDISH FAILED TO GET A TURKEY.

"I HAD A FAT FOWL IN MY SIGHTS."

"I PULLED THE TRIGGER, BUT THE BALL DID NOTHING BUT TRICKLE OUT AND FALL TO THE GROUND."

"THE TURKEYS LOOKED AT ME AND GOBBLED WITH GREAT GLEE. AND PRISCILLA LOOKED AT ME AND LAUGHED."

"I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. I TURNED TO SHOOT HALF-MAST ALLERTON ON THE SPOT, BUT, WELL, YOU KNOW THE REST."

DO YOU KNOW ABOUT PM?

INDEED WE DO. IT IS THE 12 HOURS THAT FOLLOW A.M.

HOW DID THEY EVER MAKE IT ACROSS THE OCEAN?

PM STANDS FOR PREVENTIVE MAINTENANCE. IT IS WHAT YOU DO FOR YOUR FIREARM BEFORE YOU FIRE SO IT WILL FIRE.

SHOW THEM YOUR BOW AND ARROWS, SQUANTO.

"NOT A SIGN OF CRACKING OR FRAYING. AND WE JUST CAME THROUGH A LONG HUNTING SEASON."

"NOTICE HOW THE FEATHERS ARE WELL-TRIMMED FOR PERFECT FLIGHT."

"TAKE A GANDER AT THAT ARROWHEAD. IT HAS TAKEN MANY A GANDER, I CAN TELL YOU!"

"NOW LOOK AT THIS STRING. A FINE FIDDLE SHOULD HAVE A STRING SO GOOD!"

AND THIS PM WILL WORK ON A FIREARM, TOO?

OF COURSE, PILGRIM!

THERE IS NOTHING THAT MOVES, SHOOTS OR COMMUNICATES THAT DOESN'T NEED PM.

COME. WE WILL FIND THAT BUNCH OF TURKEYS AND SHOW YOU HOW GOOD PM CAN BRING HOME THE BACON!

I THINK THAT'S THE OTHER WHITE MEAT, CHIEF.

I WANT A LEG!

SOON OUR INTREPID BAND COMES ACROSS A BUNCH OF TURKEYS STILL JOYOUSLY GOBBLING OVER MYLES' EMBARRASSMENT.

GOBBLE GOBBLE DID YOU SEE THAT BULLET FALL OUT OF THE BARREL OF THAT GUN? GOBBLE GOBBLE

I THOUGHT I WOULD LOSE A TAIL FEATHER I LAUGHED SO HARD. GOBBLE GOBBLE

MAKE A WISH, TURKEY!

GULP, GULP, MAYBE WE GOBBLED TOO SOON!

IT IS ADDITIONAL, OR IT WILL BE AFTER TODAY, TO GO AROUND THE TABLE AND EACH OF US SAY WHAT WE'RE THANKFUL FOR.

SACHEM MASSASOIT, WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?

I AM THANKFUL FOR THE BLUE SKY ...

... FOR THE GROWING CORN ... FOR THE CLUCKING DUCK ... FOR THE HOOTING OWL ...

THEY GET IT, CHIEF

I'M THANKFUL FOR MYLES.

GOSH, PRISCILLA, I'M THANKFUL THAT NEXT THANSKGIVING WE'LL HAVE FIREARMS THAT'LL FIRE ...

... AND I MIGHT HAVE A WIFE.

NO MORE FETCHING WATER FOR PRISCILLA, SHE'LL HAVE MYLES TO GO.

AND HE'LL NEVER GET TO SLEEP.

AND, YOU, BARTHOLOMEW "HALF-MAST" WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?

I'M THANKFUL FOR PM AND THE MACY'S PARADE.

AH, HERE THEY COME NOW!

IT'S MASTER AND MISTRESS MACY ... AND THE MACY KIDS!

AND YOU WILLIAM BRADFORD?

YOU HAVE YET TO TELL US WHAT YOU ARE THANKFUL FOR.

I AM THANKFUL THAT THE READERS OF PS MAGAZINE HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR EVEN ABOUT OUR GREAT HERITAGE ...

... AND I WISH THEM A YEAR OF TROUBLE-FREE EQUIPMENT BECAUSE OF THEIR PREVENTIVE MAINTENANCE.

GOBBLE GOBBLE I'M THANKFUL TOM MADE A WISH THAT THE PILGRIMS WOULD DISCOVER TOFU! GOBBLE GOBBLE

GOBBLE GOBBLE MAYBE NEX YEAR WE SHOULD TELL THE DEER.

GOBBLE GOBBLE YEAH, THEY CAN BUY TOFU, TOO.

THEY'VE GOT DOUGH AND PLENTY OF BUCKS!
COPYRIGHT 2003 PS Magazine
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 2003, Gale Group. All rights reserved. Gale Group is a Thomson Corporation Company.

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Publication:PS, the Preventive Maintenance Monthly
Date:Nov 1, 2003
Words:709
Previous Article:Smoking just got better.
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