Which year was better, 1982 or 1992? Or 2002?
Lance Romance: 1982 was when I lost my virginity, so not a bad year for me.
Chris Brief: That's funny...1982 was the year I was conceived.
DJT: 2002, into the future!
Steve E Nix: 2002 because I get to be in the Briefs, baby.
Who spends the most money on hair care products?
Lance: I bleached my pubic hair once--it all fell out so it cost me a small fortune to get hair transplant treatments to get back my bush.
Steve: My cat hangs out by the toiler when I'm taking a leak, and pee usually splashes on her. So, every couple months I have to buy this really expensive cat shampoo to clean her up so that my girlfriend doesn't complain. She (the cat) will climb up on you and you'll get this big whiff of stale pee and it's just terrible. I think I wind up spending the most money on shampoo and shit for my cat.
Lance: Does that mean you have a stinky pussy?
What's with the phone cord? Expecting an important call?
Chris: I don't know, but keep Steve away from your phone. I haven't been able to call my mom for months.
DJT: Better a phone chord than his idea of an umbilical cord!
Steve: C'mon, it's fucking art or something. I see people wearing a lot dumber stuff around their necks than a phone chord, like fucking hemp and big dumb toilet chains. Hey kids: wear a phone chord to school instead of that lame hemp and toilet chain shit You'll stand a better chance of getting laid.
The Kings...or The Knack?
Lance: The Knack.
Chris: "Good girls don't, but I do."
DJT: Hmmm! Neither one seems to know when to quit.
Steve: The Kinks, very much.
Speking of The Knack, can you tell me the substituted lyrics for the song "My Sharona" that became popular the same time the original song was popular?
Lance: My bologna?
DJT: Ebony and ivory?
Wrong. It was "Ayatollah."
Anthrax: Band or powder?
Lance: I've snorted both!
Chris: I like The Band with Dylan.
Is there a proto-wave-punk revival that we should know about?
Chris: I hope so, otherwise we're gonna look real dumb.
Steve: What does proto mean?
Lance: Some kind of hair-care product, I think.
Devo or the Dead Boys?
Chris: I think my dad listens to that stutf.
Lance: Devo! They did a Target commercial.
DJT: Stiv gets big points for being dead? but we're all Devo.
What shall we do with a drunken sailor?
Lance: Nothing I haven't done already.
Chris: Hey! Leave my dad out of this!
DJT: We live in Seattle and we get a lot of those.
Steve: Give 'em acid, I think. I'm not totally sure.
Who would win in a fight: Vince Neil or Axi Rose? (This is a tric question: consult the Motley Crue autobiography The Dirt for the answer-an amazing book.)
Lance: Axl kicked his scrawny ass.
DJT: The only lighting those two really do is tongue wrestling.
Steve: Which one of those guys was the one that fell down while he was rollerblading? He fell down and got knocked unconscious, and when the cops found him he was wearing like slinky tights and a condom under his Levi's. That was really funny, I think that's the guy that would probably win.
For the record, Vince punched out lazy, then Axl threatened him with some real junior high shit like meeting at the parking lot of Tower Records, but he never showed.
Haywood Jablowme; Edith A Bagadix; Terry A Newasshole, Aaron Soutmibut; Lou Sazhole. These are all names of my fictional friends. Can you top them?
Steve: No, and those are really terrible.
Chris: I don't know about all of that, but I sure do enjoy me a nice tall glass of Dickens Cider.
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|Title Annotation:||rock bank 'The Briefs'|
|Article Type:||Brief Article|
|Date:||Aug 1, 2002|
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