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The Scurra.

THE makers of Britain's finest beds have been discussing bouncing issues with The Scurra, following Leslie Ash's tumble at the weekend.

The Men Behaving Badly star says that during sex with husband Lee Chapman she fell from her "new and extremely springy" mattress and hit a bedside table, breaking a rib and puncturing a lung.

Daryl Adkins, production manager of Savoir Beds - clients include Kylie Minogue, Liza Minnelli and Emma Thompson - says: "I've never heard of any of our customers being involved in a similar incident, much as I'd like to claim that our beds increase performance.

"Yes, if couples stand up and bounce on the bed, like kids who use beds as trampolines, then they could fall off... Some people put too much reliance on spring count and think that it makes for a better bed, but that's not necessarily the case."

Adkins offers invaluable advice to new bed owners like Ash: "Within the first couple of months of using the mattress you turn it every two weeks and thereafter turn it every two months..."

TORY backbencher Michael Fabricant has struck a blow for the environment. But while the Lichfield MP has persuaded the Commons' refreshment department to use paper rather than plastic bags in all but one of its restaurants, he doesn't intend to give up his own favourite bit of hand luggage.

"I think we should all be using paper bags," Fabricant tells me, "although I will continue to be seen entering the Commons with my executive briefcase, a KwikSave carrier bag, to show my street cred. As my area moves upmarket, however, I intend to trade up to Waitrose."IF George Michael is searching for the swankiest loo in London, he might like to stretch for the scissors because here comes a cut-out-and-keep item...

A lavatory near the Tower of London has been given a rateable value of pounds 30,000 - the same as some homes - and has been singled out for fame in a parliamentary answer by Treasury minister Dawn Primarolo.

Primarolo was asked by former Tory minister John Gummer to name the highest-rated public convenience in the country. Gumdrop also wanted to know "the criteria by which a valuation officer evaluates a public lavatory". Is he thinking of a career switch?

Anyway, Primarolo primly replied that its address is Tower Place, EC4 6DS.

SCENES of chaos at the West Bromwich Building Society yesterday, as frantic staff tried to find a replacement to launch today's Brum Brum mortgage deal.

Ron Atkinson had been signed up to cut the ribbon. Then he accidentally unveiled himself as a racist, describing Chelsea star Marcel Desailly as "a f***ing lazy n****r", so he was swiftly dropped.

West Brom PR chief Brian Seymour-Smith called The Scurra at 3.04pm yesterday, panting: "We've found someone, or rather two people. Bryan Robson, the former England captain who used to play for West Bromwich Albion, and boxing champion Richie Woodhall will be releasing the balloons.

"We'll also have flag waving. We're delighted to have them on board."

MEANWHILE, PC users who do a spell-check on "Ronism" - the term used to describe Ron Atkinson's more daft remarks - are presented with the alternative - "racism".

CAPTION(S):

BOUNCED: Ash; IN: Robson
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Apr 27, 2004
Words:537
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