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The Impostor.

Byline: The Impostor

New research says that if youngsters listen to pop music in the morning it

energises their minds. So the Impostor made a phonecall to see whether Britney and Billie will soon be part of the curriculum at Harrow

Good morning, Harrow Headmaster's office. Admissions officer, speaking.

Groovy, baby! You're listening to Dr "G Jet", music professor of Old School Rap.

I beg your pardon?

I said a-hip-a-hop-a-hip with a heveddy-hip-hip-hop, you don't stop!

I think you have the wrong number.

No way, honey, I'm gonna keep on Hanging On The Telephone. And I'm here to tell you all about Dr Groove Jet's musical curr-i-cu-lum.

What is the purpose of this call, sir?

Is you is, or is you ain't, aware of the new studies that show how music can stimulate Simple Minds?

We have rather a large music department here at Harrow, so I think we know all about that, yes.

But I bet you don't have funky Spears or poppy Piper on your music courses.

I can't recall those composers. Are they English? We do have a huge number of visiting musicians who give pupils lessons, music facilities for boys at GCSE and A-level standard, and plenty of orchestral and choral societies.

Maybe you should Get Into The Groove because The Times They Are A-Changin'. Research shows that All The Young Dudes are revved up by pop music. If they Don't Know Much About History they will after they've listened to the great Sam Cooke.

I'm sure all areas of music are looked at within our music department.

So do you Play That Funky Music White Boy to the kids?

We're not talking about kids here but young adults, aged 13-18.

That means they're ripe and ready to rap.

The boys listen to many kinds of music in their own rooms. Most mornings they have Chapel, so they hear various kinds of music within that context.

Hallelujah, sister, let's have some Funk Soul Brother. Bring on Aretha Franklin!

We have a theatre that puts on musicals, we have concerts, and the boys perform recitals, so there's ample emphasis given to music here.

What about combining music with dance? Break-dancing, in which the participant spins on his head, increases blood flow to the brain and makes him think better. Or he could try a good old-fashioned pogo to God Save The Queen.

Spinning upside-down to the National Anthem? It all sounds rather strange. I'm not sure that Harrow is ready for this.

That reminds me of my favourite Aerosmith song, Eat The Rich, there's only one thing that they're good for...

Goodbye. (Click.)
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Feb 3, 2001
Words:436
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