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The 5 Dumbest Credit Union Robbers of 2015.

Byline: Tina Orem

Scientists have long studied the link between below-average IQs and criminal behavior, and a sampling of the fine crop of fools who robbed credit unions in 2015 provides superb evidence of that correlation.

Here are some of our unfortunate favorites from 2015.

5. Obviously didn't get into Berkeley.

The Louisville, Ky.-based Jefferson County FCU is offering $5,000 to anyone who can identify the dimwit who hid in the bushes outside its branch, accosted some employees as they arrived for work and then stole cash from the credit union, all while wearing blue shoes and a hoodie emblazoned with Berkeley - a university with a 17% acceptance rate.

The robber put three employees in the vault and then ran across the street where he ditched his shoes, pants and Berkeley sweatshirt behind a building, according to local reports.

4. Smart you are not.

Readers may recall "Little Darth Vader" from a CU Times list earlier this year. He allegedly robbed the North Carolina-based Pineville State Employees Credit Union and was arrested.

Now he has a much taller colleague on the Dark Side: Jabba the Robber. Jabba allegedly robbed a branch of the Kent, Wash.-based Cascade Credit FCU in April after knocking over a Wells Fargo in March. At 6'2", Jabba - who got his nickname from the FBI - is almost a foot taller than Little Darth, who comes in at a dainty 5'5", according to local news reports.

The Force prevailed - like Little Darth, Jabba was also arrested.

3. Slowest getaway car ever.

Coming in a number three is the jerk who used a tractor to ram an ATM at a Green River CU branch in Rutland, Vt. The suspect apparently couldn't get any money out of the ATM and then decided nobody would notice if he moseyed off in the tractor. As they arrived, police apparently saw the guy jump off the running tractor and escape into the woods.

"The tractor continued to travel through the lawn behind the apartments and stopped when it struck a large tree," a local report said.

The suspect is still on the lam.

2. When membership doesn't pay.

Just before Halloween, police arrested a 45-year-old man after he allegedly attempted to rob a branch of the Archive Financial Credit Union in Meriden, Conn. After reaching over the counter and grabbing a teller, he took cash from a register and drove away.

Turns out, the guy was a long-time member, according to police reports, so the credit union simply gave the police photos of the assailant from when he joined the credit union. The police obtained his fingerprints from the deposit slip and a search of his house turned up the clothes he wore during the robbery, reports said.

1. Oh yeah, the money!

Demonstrating a complete lack of knowledge about how banking works, our winner this year is an Indiana man who ended up in jail after allegedly trying to rob a branch of the South Bend, Ind.-based Teachers Credit Union.

"When they arrived, police say their officers were told that a man had entered the mortgage branch office and demanded money," a local news station reported. "Police say workers told them that they instructed the suspect that because they were a mortgage branch, they had no cash in the building, and that the suspect ran away afterward."

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Publication:Credit Union Times
Date:Dec 23, 2015
Words:559
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