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Talent getting a kick out of football stars.

Byline: MAT KENDRICK

TELEVISION variety show Britain's Got Talent has stormed back onto our screens with its compelling collection of freakish failures and polished performers.

But amidst all the dancing

But amidst all the dancing dogs and senior citizens doing the splits some of the programme's most entertaining acts seemed to be inspired by our soccer stars.

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, let me introduce you to Brum's Got Talent.

ABSOLUTELY FLOOR-LESS Dance troupe Flawless were surely motivated by the antics of Aston Villa's star winger Ashley Young. Let's examine the evidence.

All of the members of Flawless are super-fit young men from down south renowned for their slick moves, dancing feet and spectacular flips.

Flawless and Young have both recently received critical acclaim, bringing talent-spotting experts to their feet with streetstyle skills.

In common with PFA young player-of-the-year contender Young, Flawless are tipped for great success in the future.

Although, unlike the brilliantly choreographed dancers, perhaps Ashley should concentrate on rolling around on the Floor- Less.

FAT LADY SINGING

FAT LADY SINGING West Lothian spinster songstress Susan Boyle has plenty in common with Tony Mowbray following her stunning rendition of a Les Miserables tune.

Susan is slightly less miserable than Mowbray, but like the Baggies boss, her dour appearance belies a desire to treat the world to beautiful performances, despite the mocking laughter of the doubters.

And like the singer, since coming down from Scotland, Mowbray has followed the sentiments of Boyle's signature song 'I Dreamed a Dream', rather appropriately, a poignant ditty of forlorn hope.

Finally, despite Boyle being favourite to win and Albion favourites to come last, both Britain's Got Talent and West Bromwich Albion know it's not over until the fat lady sings..

VILLA REPLICA STRIP It's not the only thing she bares, but Fabia Cerra bears an uncanny resemblance to the Aston Villa team.

When the burly burlesque dancer peeled off her clothes during Simon Cowell's show last week she summed up Villa's teaser of a season.

It was a strip more shocking than Villa's green, black and red stripe kit of the mid-1990s.

For like Martin O'Neill's men, Fabia enjoyed shaking things up at the top for a while, only to make one boob too many towards the end.

And while Martin O'Neill's team have a strong British bias, Fabia also has Union Jacks all over her main attractions.

But, like Villa, her support temporarily fell away at crucial times to reveal her knockers and she would happily forget the embarrassment to get back in the old routine.

BIT OF A DRAG Speaking of drag, if someone mentioned a middle aged bloke with ginger hair doing an audition in Birmingham who would you think of? No, it's not Blues boss Alex McLeish, it's Midlands drag act Mama Trish. Big Eck wouldn't take kindly to the comparison but the jelly-belly cross dresser and the St Andrew's gaffer do have their similarities.

Both are responsible for unsightly wobbles in their attempts to perform on a bigger stage.

And when Mama Trish licked his finger after putting it in his/her belly button it left a nastier taste than Lee Carsley's horror tackle on Chris Iwelumo..

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HIGH NOTES: Singing sensation Susan Boyle has a few things in common with Tony Mowbray
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Publication:Sunday Mercury (Birmingham, England)
Date:Apr 19, 2009
Words:547
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