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THE MAY CRAPINET; YOU'D FEEL SORRY FOR PM IF SHE WASN'T HOPELESS HERSELF; Britain's Government is rammed full of incompetent buffoons, disgraced chancers, international liabilities, Brexit braggarts & self-serving egotists..fair makes you proud.

Byline: TORCUIL CRICHTON Westminster Editor

THERESA May's catastrophic Cabinet were spared their blushes this week when their regular meeting didn't take place ahead of a Commons recess.

With Parliament folding up for a week, none of May's disgraced ministers had to do the walk of shame up Downing Street in front of journalists and TV cameras.

A No10 spokesman said yesterday that because of the shortened Parliamentary week, the regular Tuesday meeting has not taken place before November recess since 2014.

"Parliamentary recess will begin from Wednesday, meaning Cabinet will not sit for the rest of the week," said the official.

"This has happened before, this is the standard."

The break from routine is probably just as well because some of the ministers around the coffin-shaped table in the Cabinet room wouldn't know where to look given the events of the last few weeks.

Here's a rundown of May's crumbling Cabinet of woes: Theresa May, Prime Minister Too weak to sack any of her ministers.

Damian Green, First Secretary of State Under Cabinet Office investigation over alleged sexual harassment, coupled with claims of porn found on his computer. Strongly denies both of the allegations.

Philip Hammond, Chancellor of the Exchequer Faces a nightmare Budget in two weeks' time as Brexiteers plot to remove him.

Amber Rudd, Home Secretary Leadership ambitions but barely has a majority in her own seat. Boris Johnson, Foreign Secretary Latest blunder could have added five years to the prison sentence of British woman held in an Iranian jail. In normal times, a minister would have to resign over such a grievous mistake.

Priti Patel, International Development Secretary Quit last night. Had been carpeted by May for carving leadership territory for herself with unofficial meetings with Israeli government while on holiday.

David Davis, Brexit Secretary Has three weeks to release Brexit impact assessment of 58 areas of the economy. After Davis boasted about them, his department now insists they don't exist.

Gavin Williamson, Defence Secretary Ambitious chief whip who promoted himself to defence last week when Michael Fallon was forced out over sexual harassment claims.

David Gauke, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Universal credit system is unravelling before his eyes and pushing people into poverty. David Mundell, Secretary of State for Scotland "I have nothing to declare," said Cabinet survivor over sex claims sweeping Westminster.

James Brokenshire, Secretary of State for Northern Ireland Stormont Assembly dissolved and Northern Irish border question with EU unsolvable.

Michael Gove, Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs Bizarrely, still optimistic about Brexit Britain.

Andrea Leadsom, Leader of the House Reported sexist behaviour of Fallon to Prime Minister. Jeremy Hunt, Secretary of State for Health Admitted junior doctors had a point on wage strike.

Liam Fox, Secretary of State for International Trade Considered to have non-job but as rivals flounder, he actually looks like a steady pair of hands. Chris Grayling, Transport Secretary HS2 high-speed rail link nightmare.

Sajid Javid, Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government Dealing with fallout from the Grenfell Tower high-rise fire disaster.

Natalie Evans, Leader of the House of Lords Will never get Brexit bill through the House of Lords unscathed.

Karen Bradley, Culture Secretary Has to adjudicate on Murdoch takeover of Sky News.

Sir Patrick McLoughlin, Chairman of the Conservative Party Everyone wants him sacked from his unpaid job.

David Lidington, Secretary of State for Justice Facing English prisons crisis.

Incompetent buffoon Disgraced chancer International liability Brexit braggart Self-serving egotist.

..Incompetent buffoon Disgraced chancer International liability Brexit braggart Self-serving egotist.

.OF BUS.

..Incompetent buffoon Disgraced chancer International liability Brexit braggart Self-serving egotist.

..Incompetent buffoon Disgraced chancer International liability Brexit braggart Self-serving egotist.

..Incompetent buffoon Disgraced chancer International liability Brexit braggart Self-serving egotist.

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Incompetent buffoon Disgraced chancer International liability Brexit braggart Self-serving egotist.

..Incompetent buffoon Disgraced chancer International liability Brexit braggart Self-serving egotist.

.Incompetent buffoon Disgraced chancer International liability Brexit braggart Self-serving egotist.

.Incompetent buffoon Disgraced chancer International liability Brexit braggart Self-serving egotist.

.Incompetent buffoon Disgraced chancer International liability Brexit braggart Self-serving egotist.

.Incompetent buffoon Disgraced chancer International liability Brexit braggart Self-serving egotist.

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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Geographic Code:4EUUK
Date:Nov 9, 2017
Words:689
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