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THE LOVE DOCTOR: LEARN TO FLIRT.. & LURE A DREAM LOVER TO BED; Lesson 1: How to find your perfect partner, keep the urges going and feel at ease with your bodies.

Just one

fella and

can't get

another

QI THINK I'm quite pretty and have a good figure, but I just can't seem to pull a decent fella, says SARAH WRIGHT, a personal assistant, from Lincolnshire. I'm nearly 23 and have only had one serious boyfriend. My friends say I give out all the wrong signals. Can you help?

Sarah explains: "I was in love with Justin and was devastated when we split up two years ago.

"We met through a friend but HE chatted ME up and really made me feel special.

"He made all the running throughout our relationship. We dated for two weeks before making love the first time.

"We opened a bottle of champagne and sat on the sofa kissing and stroking each other.

"Then he began to undress me and we stumbled to the bedroom. Justin lifted me up onto the bed and began kissing me all over. He'd brought the rest of the bubbly in and he began trickling it all over me and licking it off. I was so turned on and by the time we actually made love I was more aroused than I thought was possible. He was a fantastic lover but he always liked to take the lead. When Justin suddenly dumped me my world fell apart. He confessed he had been having an affair with someone at work.

"It took me more than six months to start going out with my friends again. But when we are all together in a bar and I see them flirting I get panic- stricken. I have no idea how to attract the type of man I want to go out with loyal, honest, funny and a great lover."

A SUE SAYS: Help is here, do my homework. As you've found out, it isn't enough to look good, you have to act good too. Body language makes up 97% of what we communicate - so if you're giving out all the wrong non- verbal signals, it's not surprising that you're not getting a result.

HOMEWORK

1SHOW a guy you're interested by keeping eye contact, nodding and smiling and moving in close to create intimacy.

2KEEP him on his toes by occasionally withdrawing - look away as you're talking, turn away just slightly, or move back just out of reach.

3BLOCK" him off - keep other women at bay by standing between him and the room, holding his attention on you with occasional comments or attention getting touches. That'll signal you want him all to yourself.

RESULTS: Sarah says: "I tried out Sue's tips at a party the other night and was amazed at the confidence they gave me. Following a set of rules really helped me - and I can't wait to have another go. I even got a nice guy asking for my phone number - so who knows?

We care but don't

have sex

any more

QWE'VE been together for three years, says beauty therapist NATALIE DENNING, 21, and bricklayer ADAM POWELL, 24, of Worcs. When we met our sex life was brilliant, but says Adam, I can't do anything right. I don't know how to turn her on any more. Am I a failure?

Adam says: "From the moment I met Nat in a nightclub we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We had a real chemistry between us - it literally felt like an electric charge when I touched her.

"She was everything I wanted in a woman: stunning, sexy, funny and had a great body. And the best thing of all - she loved sex.

"For the first six months of our relationship we hardly went out. We'd get home from work and before we said hello we were having sex on the stairs, kitchen, sofa, you name it. I usually took the lead, because she liked that. She was so responsive. I joked that she was my Martini girl - because she liked it any time, any place, any where! Things slacked off after a while but I thought it was just a temporary phase - maybe Nat was just off colour. But the days sometimes turned into weeks and I felt I was forcing myself on her. I am sure she still loves me but I can't understand what has happened to that sexual chemistry. Now Nat just can't be bothered. I want to get the magic back."

ARESEARCH suggests that a few years down the line, most couples hit a bit of a blip - often due to the fact their tastes change. The problem is most couples don''t realise this, so end up like you and your partner - wondering what''s gone wrong. The answer is to keep updating each other on what you like and don''t. Follow my homework and get back on track.

HOMEWORK

1EXPLAIN that you want to please her but urgently need to know how. Let her take charge, with a little prompting, to tell and show just what she likes. Then begin with a massage.

2OVER the next few days, progress to more intimate touching with her coaching you. Ask her not to criticise but to give you encouragement for what's right. When it leads to intercourse, let her take the on top position so she has complete control over the pace, speed, rhythm.

3WHEN you've learned, tell her what turns you on!

RESULTS: Adam says: "Talking did the trick just like you suggested Sue. We laughed and joked about what we used to get up to and that broke the ice. It was also a huge turn on for us both. I let Nat take charge and it was great. It wasn't the kind of wild, abandoned sex we had before... it was more intense, but just as good. We had an early night last night - and an early rise in the morning too!"

I'm far too tired for it

Q I'VE just had a baby and I simply don't have the energy for making love. My husband thinks I don't fancy him any more - he doesn't understand I'm just too exhausted.

ATHIS is all natural - 75% of women report a drop in desire after birth. Post-baby, you're physically exhausted. You may be in pain. Your hormones are all over. And you need to give attention to your little one! No wonder sex is way down on your list of priorities.

Many men feel excluded at this time. But he needs to understand what's happening is nothing to do with him. You still fancy him. You still care. Sex will not be off the menu for ever. Explain and if necessary, show him this letter.

HOMEWORK

1DON'T let yourself get out of the habit of having sex. Get your energy back: get support, eat properly and get some sleep.

2MAKE time for making love however much you know the baby needs you.

3IF you're too sore for intercourse, offer him hand relief or oral sex.

4GET him to satisfy you while you lie back and enjoy yourself.

She keeps saying No

QI'VE been seeing Carly for three months and I'm mad about her. I'm desperate to sleep with her but she keeps saying that while she wants to, she's not ready. How can I persuade her that I'm serious about her and not just after one thing?

AFIRST rule of good sex: never push anyone into anything - so if Carly really doesn't want sex, don't pressure her. But the second rule of good sex: be prepared to seduce. If Carly is saying she's ready to make love to you but unsure, there's a basic secret to easing her over the threshold and into lovemaking.

Do my homework and you'll soon see a change.

HOMEWORK

1MAKE her feel safe emotionally by telling her you care, paying her attention.

2MAKE her feel safe physically by offering lots of affectionate hugs and snuggles rather than thrusting and pumping.

3ALLOW her to set the pace. When she gets aroused, don't rush forward and jump her, but hold back and let her take the lead.

He can't get

an erection

QI'VE been sleeping with Pete for three weeks - but last Saturday we had a bit too much to drink and he couldn't get an erection. Since then, nothing's happening down there. I'm beginning to panic that I've found myself a "No-Action" Man.

AFROM the sound of it, Pete's not suffering from anything terminal but from performance anxiety. He's failed once - almost certainly due to brewer's droop. Now he's so anxious that sheer nerves are making him fail every time. And if you panic, and pressure him to perform, it'll just make things worse. Follow my homework below.

HOMEWORK

1REDUCE the stress emotionally - tell him you understand and aren't worried. ALL men suffer temporary problems at some time.

2REDUCE the stress sexually. Suggest you don't try intercourse for a while - just cuddle a lot.

3WHEN he does start to get some hardness back, don't leap on it. Keep cool and nurture it - perhaps offering some hand or mouth sex so that he doesn't feel he has start thrusting.

4IF nothing happens after a month or so get help. Relate offers counselling: go to www. relate.org.uk

She hides her

naked body

QMY girlfriend and I live together - but I''ve never seen her naked. She still insists we make love in the dark. What''s her problem and what can I do?

AI DON'T know your girlfriend, so couldn't know for sure what her "problem" is. But I guess that - like the 22% of British women who aren't comfortable with nudity - she isn't happy with her body.

She's covering up because she's terrified if you see her nude, you'll hate what you see. You can probably tell the answer isn't to throw a wobbly or laugh at her - that way she'll feel even more terrified. Follow my tips below.

HOMEWORK

1REASSURE her that you find her beautiful. Remind her you've already made love with her - so you know what shape she is.

2THE next step is more practical - install a dimmer switch in the bedroom so she feels at ease.

3THEN go into overdrive telling her how lovely she is. Explain in detail what you like about her, show how turned on you are by stroking, kissing and nuzzling. That'll help her feel much more confident.

4OVER time, encourage her to turn the light all the way up.

EIGHTY per cent of fellas claim being chatted up by a woman is a turn on.

NEARLY a third of British men surveyed describe their sex lives as "poor".

EROTIC sensations travel from skin to brain at up to 156 miles per hour.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The People (London, England)
Date:Feb 9, 2003
Words:1765
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