Printer Friendly

Swiss problem page with Dr. Summer.

* Swiss News standard disclaimer to lawyers acting for Bravo magazine: Our Dr. Summer has nothing to do with your Dr. Sommer. It's a complete coincidence ...

Sincerely, Diarmuid De Faoite

Dear Dr. Summer,

The other day at work, my colleagues were all looking at me askance the whole afternoon. Only when I got home did I see bits of spinach wedged between my teeth from lunch. Why did no one tell me about it?

Upset, Tagerwilen

Dr. Summer writes: Firstly, well done on being the first person I know to have ever actually written the word askance. Secondly, you make it so clear that you are foreign! I bet you only use the sink at work to wash your hands. All Swiss people know to clean their teeth in the office bathroom after lunch. A special office toothbrush is as essential as special comfy office shoes. Your colleagues were rightly upset at a) your lack of integration into society, b) your poor dental hygiene, and c) your odd vocabulary!

Dear Dr Summer,

I really like learn english but I have big problems like the most Swiss people. When say I make, and when say I do? It's confusing like when I am drunken--hihihi! For example, I am wanting to "make sports" not "do sports" and so on.

Loves the nature, Zermatt

Dr Summer writes: Whenever you want to say make, say do. Seriously! And whenever you want to say do, say make. You'll instantly get it right more often than wrong seeing as you usually get it wrong now anyway. By the way, since I don't make enough money with Swiss News I am awailable to come and give English lessons in your willage!

Dear Dr. Summer,

Is it technically stealing to grab a Free newspaper off another commuter? I mean they didn't pay for it either so what's the problem?

The 20-minute Man, Basel

Dr. Summer writes: While it's not technically a crime, please remember that most Swiss men own a gun. Therefore, I suggest you only grab copies off women, pensioners, men with fallen arches and children.

Dear Dr. Summer,

the Swiss are very proud of Swiss design. Of they are really so good at it, why don't baguettes fit completely into the bread bag then???

Ma Baker, Nyon

Dr. Summer writes: The bread often doesn't fit into the paper bag because it will be rock hard the next day anyway. The bag only has to fit the half you eat. The uneaten half--which you will throw away or feed to the ducks--can stick out all it wants. So in actual fact, it is design for its purpose. Swiss design really does rock!

Dear Dr. Summer,

I am an avid reader and get through a lot of books. However, they are so expensive here no matter what language they are in. What's the deal?

Out of pocket, Flawil

Dr. Summer writes: Many years ago Swiss shops came up with a cunning plan to charge higher prices. Simply slap the word 'bio' onto a product. Please be assured that all books you buy here (especially English-language ones) are biodegradable and kept in humane conditions, mostly in well lit bookshops with a chilled-out coffee corner. Now doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside as you empty out your wallet?

DEAR DR. SUMMER,

WHY DOESN'T THE WATER FREEZE IN THE WATER PIPES DURING WINTER? I MEAN, SOMETIMES IT HITS -30[degrees]C DEGREES HERE!

LONELY CERN ENGINEER, GENEVA

Dr. Summer writes: A small amount of Switzerland's unsold wine-lake is added at source. Previously anti-freeze (aka Austrian wine) was used, but an unfortunate scandal put an end to this practice. Using local wine also helps reduce the amount of subsidies we'd have to pay Swiss wine producers, so everyone's a winner.
COPYRIGHT 2010 Swiss News
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 2010 Gale, Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

Article Details
Printer friendly Cite/link Email Feedback
Title Annotation:humour
Publication:Swiss News
Date:Aug 1, 2010
Words:631
Previous Article:Urs Althaus: a model of success.
Next Article:Art in the Engadine: tucked away in a rugged corner of eastern Switzerland, the Engadine valley has inspired generations of artists. Now it is also...
Topics:

Terms of use | Privacy policy | Copyright © 2020 Farlex, Inc. | Feedback | For webmasters