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Straight girls gone wild: 10 ways to survive a hetero ladies' night out.

It always starts out sounding like an OK idea. You're invited to go hang out with some gal pals--they could be old friends from the neighborhood, or maybe relatives, perhaps coworkers. An evening of revelry is planned. No one's threatening Chippendales, but they are a bunch of straight gals teaming up for a night on the town, which inevitably means chasing boys.

You relent, without considering what a minority you'll be among breeder gals ready to party. The next thing you know, you're slurping tequila shots and listening to a gaggle of girlfriends (the other kind) playing "who would you do?" at 2 a.m.

For you to survive, and even enjoy your evening in the face at hard-line heterosexuality, you've got to rediscover tolerance.

Here are some ways to survive a night out with a gang of straight ladies on the prowl.

Anthropology 101, anyone? You're in their habitat already, so why not get all Jane Goodall-with-the-apes on them? Here's your chance to do some cultural research on how the other half lives. Ask questions, look for trends, get opinions--engage these girls and have some fun.

Drink. Or if you're on the wagon, get them lubed up. Any party revs up when the ladies get loose and the gossip starts flying. Drinks will help your gal pals entertain you. Of course, keep an eye out for those getting too loose. You don't want to end the night in a stall holding someone's hair back.

Try a little tenderness. Women get weary. Wouldn't you, if your dating pool involved the Y chromosome? Men can be real boobs, and not tie kind we like. Your straight girlfriends have to put up with all that cluelessness, always having to weed through the lesser qualities to find the good ones. Listen to the ladies gripe and exercise your empathy gene.

Enlighten. Tell your gal pals about the queer world you live in. Everyone loves talking about sex, and what a het lady doesn't know can be vast. You don't want to alienate them by bragging how much better the sex is when both partners have the same junk. Or maybe you do. In any case, you're the ambassador for lesbos everywhere--so put on your diplomat hat and inform.

Get advice. We may not have the same taste in dates, but straight girls often have good fashion sense, and always have an opinion on what women want. Get into it! Topics can range from hair products to fabulous footwear, skin care, and bargain shopping. In return, tell them the best women-friendly places to buy sex toys (and naturally, which products will please).

Make your own game show. You're out for the night, surrounded by the T.G.I. Friday's version of the Mating Game. If this were a Japanese game show, you'd be watching women with helmets crash into giant padded mushrooms. Instead, see if you can dare your friends to tell the yo-yo at the bar he needs to lose the hair plugs and button up that disco shirt.

Word-replacement therapy. When they say "guy," you hear "girl"; when they say "dick" you hear "dildo." And it, God forbid, you find yourself suckered into attending a straight bachelorette patty, be prepared to subvert the penis-shaped cake by decorating it with some breast-shaped candles.

Flirt With the bar Staff, Just because you're out with a bunch of breeders doesn't mean you have to stick with them. Find the cutest drink slinger and have your way with her--at least verbally. It never hurts to befriend the person pouring your cocktails. If there are any hired dancers around, definitely cozy up, since they're most likely to be the lezzies in a straight joint.

Make a movie in your head. Your next creative writing project has arrived, so jot down those choice lines. Heard on a recent all-girl beach vacation; "That overweight Hulk Hogan reject should not be playing soccer in that undersized banana hammock." The only way it gets better is with a tape recorder.

Turn on the gaydar. Like a heat-seeking missile, a lesbian can sniff out her own kind in two seconds flat. Whether they're bi-curious or randomly crushing on some friend of a friend, you are the main attraction tonight, and the woman they can test the waters with. So dive in and enjoy yourself.
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Title Annotation:Relationships
Author:Chauvin, Kelsy
Geographic Code:1USA
Date:May 1, 2010
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