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Stand-up analysts.

Summary: The past few years have witnessed a new profession called analysis rearing its head in Lebanon, and the craft has been proliferating at a steady pace, with the number of "analysts" in the country doubling by the month.

The past few years have witnessed a new profession called analysis rearing its head in Lebanon, and the craft has been proliferating at a steady pace, with the number of "analysts" in the country doubling by the month.

These so-called analysts -- most of whom have rarely set foot abroad, speak one language (barely) and have probably not looked beyond the covers of two or three books in the past decade -- pontificate on television and write down their diarrhetic dribble on just about every subject under the sun, ranging from the mating habits of pandas to what the pope really wants and what the president of the U.S. thinks.

Fortunately for those of us who look on in disgust, there is a lighter side to these quacks who conveniently make up with flying colors for the glaring absence of Comedy Central in Lebanon.

As a matter of fact, one of the latest and increasingly frequent exercises of these Lebanese gurus is to tie important events in the country to developments in the rest of the world, with some most recently preaching that a solution to the Lebanese deadlock will have to wait until Jan. 20, 2017, the day a new president is inaugurated in the U.S.

These comedians, who rattle on about their grandiose dreams and aspirations, want us to believe that the first problem that a new U.S. president will tackle is Lebanon's ills, which are going to take priority over America's domestic affairs and the multitude of economic and international issues the country has to deal with.

These quacks really believe that the Zouk power plant or the election of a mayor in Anjar top the morning agenda of every president in America.

But this farce has gone on long enough, and it's time these "brain surgeons" show some measure of dignity, get off their podiums and go read a book instead.

And the blame is not theirs alone but also belongs to those who give them a platform on which to perform in the first place, as they try to fill their dearth of meaningful programming by keeping the Lebanese fed -- for breakfast, lunch and dinner -- on a steady diet of sermons on topics they don't know the first thing about.

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Publication:The Daily Star (Beirut, Lebanon)
Geographic Code:7LEBA
Date:Aug 13, 2016
Words:431
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