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Soap watch; Patrick kids face life without mum.

YOU'VE got to hand it to Channel 4. They consistently come up with the goods in their soaps and this week Hollyoaks doesn't fail to impress.

Remember Jill? Gina and Sol's mum with the Noel Gallagher eyebrows and bottle blonde hair?

Well, she's dying. Yep, as if the Patrick kids haven't gone through enough - finding out their mum wasn't really their mum, etc, now she's going to die on them.

She turns up at the Dog and tells Jack that he's going to have to look after the kids, so now not only does he have Ruth, but this motley crew to look after too.

Elsewhere, Chloe seems to have fallen for OB at Glastonbury instead of Max and Cindy is a wee bit confused when she finds them 'making out' in the camper van.

Anyway, over in Liverpool, there is multo griefo for Lindsey in Brookside. Callum wants to marry her. It's not the wedding she's hoped for. But it's either that or die. Of course we all know she's not going to die or marry him.

But one shot is fired and someone cops it - is it Callum or Dave?

My money's on Dave.

And is Shelley about to turn on another straight woman in the close? Well, she's getting closer to Bev this week, but I doubt it, don't you?

Elsewhere Nikki, Jerome, Emily, Tim, Katrina and Steve go camping - it's the perfect time for Steve to make his move on Katrina.

Poor Max won't be happy.

And what about Kitty? Is she the biggest old bag in town or what? Do you really get folk like her?

And Blanche in Coronation Street could give her a run for her money after all. Thankfully she's not on screen this week, but boy, Audrey is.

She gives Martin a piece of her mind, and I wish Gail would do the same. Instead she tells Sarah-Lou.

Good one that. The girl's 13, she's just had a baby, her hormones are everywhere, and obviously she starts to blame herself. But she wants Martin to stay too.

They should buy him a one-way ticket to Dubai and get rid of him once and for all. Elsewhere in the Street, Linda is having a nightmare, as Mark gives her an ultimatum - leave Mike or he'll tell his dad. Blimey. You just know something mad is going to happen.

Watch this space.

There's a wee trip to Blackpool for some of the Street this week, as the Hortons have asked Vera and Jack to house sit and look after their little grandson Tommy. How sweet.

So they take Tyrone, Norris, Maria and Gary and the twins.

That'll be fun.

Now where did this Sam come from? Is he a bit of all right or what! And of course, he's the stripper at the Rovers Ladies night and the ladies don't know, all except Geena who has seen him in action before.

There could be trouble and a very red face ahead. But at least it's a bit of light-hearted entertainment.

Corrie's been so miserable lately they should have bombed half the street away. And it's not so out of the ordinary - I mean if a plane can crash on Emmerdale, an old bomb can explode in the Street, can't it? Right under Kevin's house. Put him out of his misery anyway. With any luck Sally would call round for tea.

So, on to Emmerdale and Roy and Scott go into business together. Like you do with someone you absolutely hate the sight of. And methinks Tricia will hate the sight of Adam after this week, when she goes round to his house only to find Virginia there already, beckoning him back to bed.

The love-rat of a vet.

So, talking of love-rats, what about Dan the orange-tan man in EastEnders. What about him? He's off. At long last. The insufferable big creep. Did you hear that line the other week when he'd been shopping, and Mel said "all short-sleeved shirts", and he replied "well, if you've got it flaunt it"?

Oh pass the sick bucket, pur-lease.

Anyway, Frank and Phil have got the Vic back, and Dan is raging mad and decides to take it out on Mel. (Now this I have conflicting emotions about, as I am slowly but surely losing my patience with her too.)

Mel's a wee bit upset, and needs her knight in shining armour - and here he comes, the gorgeous baddie, Steve Owen. But why is he wasting time with her? Life can be so unfair.
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Title Annotation:Features
Author:Brown, Merle
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Jun 24, 2000
Words:758
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