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Slap me.

These days, anyone can come to New York City flat busted, make money, and not even have to work a day job. The streets are made of gold and it's all up to you to make something out of it yourself and become rich. Follow these simple steps and maybe you can become a successful New Yorker like me. When you get to NY, go down to the lower Manhattan Wall Street. Since the stock exchange is going down in flames, all the stock brokers are getting pissed off and smashing up their Blackberries and iPhones all over the place. Your mission is to find a cellphone that looks like the World Trade Center landed on it. Once you find the right phone, wait around until sunset, because a true hustler never hustles in the day time. Drift around the city, find a busy corner with plenty of human traffic. Gently bump into someone and drop your phone. Pick it up and stare at it like it's the end of your life. Also, be prepared just in case there's any witnesses (usually not). Catch up to the person that bumped into you and explain to him what happened and show him the damage he's done to your phone. Let him know that this phone is really important to you and you need to keep in touch with your mother because she's in the hospital and now you're unable to contact her. Tell him to give you 20 bucks so you can buy a new phone. Don't let him walk away until he gives you some money. Also, keep repeating it over and over--this way he fully understands where you're coming from. Tell him you can easily kill him if he doesn't pay for the phone he's broken. That's the best way to make money out here, and if you want to change careers, you don't have to go to HR. Just get an empty coffee cup, sit down, relax, and start shaking away. Making a living in NY is an easy task.


New York City, NY

Movin' up, dude?--T-ed
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Title Annotation:MAIL DROP
Article Type:Letter to the editor
Date:Jan 1, 2009
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