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Slahdin' reight inta booardom.

Ah grooaned aat laad wen Ethel telled me 'at 'er cousin Bessie an' 'er 'usband, Clarence, wer comin' ter teea last Satdy.

Ah knew wat wer comin' next afooar shoo sed 'at they wer bringin' ther 'oliday slahdes they'd tekken last August i' Malta.

"Bessie reckons they're better ner last yeear's cos t' weather wer sooa good," sed Ethel.

"Yus, Ah'm lookin' forrard ter it lahke a 'oil in mi yed," Ah replahd.

"Ah could manage it in a small dooase, but t' trouble wi' Clarence is 'e nivver knows wen ter stop."

Wen Satdy came raand an' Clarence wer unlooadin' awl 'is tackle fra t' car, Ah gate wonderin' aah Ah maht get aat o' sittin' theear booared stiff fer a couple o' haars.

We gate teea ovver bi abaat six o'clock an' afta t' women 'ad weshed up Ethel organahsed 'er seeatin' plan.

"Me an' Bessie 'll sit on t' settee an' tha can 'ave thi usual armcheear, sooa tha'll be nahce an' comfy," shoo telled me, awl sweetness an' leet.

Ah stuck it fer hauf an haar or sooa, then sed Ah'd 'ave ter nip aat ter t' toilet.

Ten minnits afta Ah'd getten back 'e wer showin' th' insahde o' one church afta another, sooa Ah gate up ageean an' muttered ter Clarence 'at Ah'd getten a touch o' t' runs.

Ah'd a quick puff on mi pahpe whale Ah wer in t' bathroom, but 'e wer still on t' gooa as Ah walked back inta t' livin' room.

Ah wer just creepin' ovver ter mi cheear wen Clarence glanced across an' sed: "Tha maht as weel stand bi' t' dooar, Bill, seein' as ther's another hauf an haar still ter come!"
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Huddersfield Daily Examiner (Huddersfield, England)
Date:Nov 6, 2004
Words:286
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