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Shocking secrets revealed! The language of tabloid headlines.

Otto Friedrich has observed that "the average newspaper is simply a business enterprise that sells news and uses that lure to sell advertising space"(194). Whether one would accept this assessment for true hard-news publications, it does seem to be especially appropriate for tabloids, a term used here specifically for newspapers focused on gossip which, as Levin et al. state (article abstract), could concern "mundane events" in the lives of the famous or bizarre events in the lives of the otherwise ordinary. In fact, such newspapers' very job (at least for the Weekly World News, according to its Managing Editor Sal Ivone) is to "sensationalize the stories" they print (Meuse, 43). Since tabloids cannot rely on the hard-news value of their stories (or the reputations of their reporters) to sell copies, they must make use of other attention-getting devices to lure readers. One of these devices is the strategic placement of tabloids at the checkout counters of supermarkets, along with magazines and self-help booklets, so that bored customers might be led to look at them while they wait to pay for their groceries. A second device involves the layout of the front page, with its provocative photos and large, vari-colored, eye-catching headlines, often in block capitals reminiscent of comic-book captions. It is the nature of these headlines that is the focus here - specifically, the various linguistic devices that tend to recur in a fair percentage of headlines from issue to issue and that seem, whether by design or not, to function as lures to the reader's attention.

As a data base for an analysis of these devices, headlines were collected from nine weeks' worth of issues of the four most popular tabloids in America (according to Levin et al., article abstract): the National Enquirer, the Star, the National Examiner, and the Globe. All headlines on the cover of each issue from July 26, Aug. 2, Aug. 9, Aug. 16, Aug. 23, Aug. 30, Sept. 6, Oct. 4, and Oct. 11, 1988, were recorded, an average per week of 4.9 for the National Enquirer, 7.9 for the Star, 5.6 for the National Examiner, and 6.1 for the Globe - a total of 212 (see Appendix A).(1) These headlines were then examined to discover what content-related, rhetorical, and linguistic features could be seen to recur over the nine weeks.

It should be immediately apparent that the foremost device identifiable in tabloid headlines is the use of content-rich vocabulary - words that get the attention of the reader either through reference to a particularly interesting topic (e.g., "romance," "divorce," "sex," "scandal," etc.) or through evoking powerful, often emotional connotations (e.g., "weird," "sizzling," "stripped," etc.) - a device also common in advertising language (see Cook 101+). As early as 1959, Otto Friedrich identified "the art of exaggerating without actually lying" (194) as a key attention-getting device used in tabloid writing (thus, every woman is either "beautiful," "attractive," or "vivacious," depending on whether she is actually pretty, plain, or ugly, respectively [193]), and this sort of "creative" use of words can certainly be seen in current tabloids. In fact, a review of headlines from each tabloid determined that 81.8% of the National Enquirer's, 81.0% of the Star's, 78.0% of the National Examiner's, and 67.3% of the Globe's used at least one (subjectively identified) content- or connotation-loaded word. Compare, for example, a loaded headline like "My Stormy Marriage: By Willard Scott" (Star, 8/9/88) with the bland "Jeane Dixon Answers Your Questions," from the same issue of the Star.

Looking at the topics in more detail, one discovers the expected mix of sex, scandal, and tragedy, paranormal or supernatural phenomena, outrageous behavior, how-to tips on self-improvement (especially dieting) and household tasks, and information about celebrities, outrageous or not (this last category being the most common focus of tabloid articles). Consider the following samples (where the lack of capital letters duplicates the original format): sex: "Surgeon, 70, Makes 11 Nurses Pregnant" (Nat. Ex., 7/26/88), and "The Day Priscilla Presley woke up Nude in Bed with Richard Gere" (Star, 8/30/88); scandal: "Marie Osmond puts her 5-yr-old son to work - and church is outraged" (Globe, 8/23/88), and "Jim & Tammy Swindled - hoaxed & fleeced by bogus preacher" (Nat. Ex., 10/11/88); tragedy: "Paralyzed Lucy's Last Wish" (Globe, 7/26/88), and "Fred MacMurray Battles for Life: Wife Prays He'll Reach His 80th Birthday" (Globe, 8/16/88); paranormal/supernatural phenomena: "Lonely UFO Aliens Are Stealing Our Pets" (Nat. Ex., 9/6/88), and "Linda Evans Says 35,000-Year-Old Spirit Tells Her to Move Out on Fiance - So She Does!" (Nat. Enq., 8/9/88); outrageous behavior: "How Tatum O'Neal Stripped to Seduce Michael Jackson" (Star, 8/2/88), and "Michael J. Fox Outrages Hotel Guests During His Bizarre Island Honeymoon" (Nat. Enq., 8/9/88); tips: "How Grits and Spaghetti Can Beat the Blues" (Nat. Ex., 10/4/88), and "Don Johnson's diet: Lose 25 lbs in 25 days[:] It's great for women, too!" (Star, 10/11/88); and celebrities: "Cybill Eats Nannies Alive: Twins' mom goes through 13 in a year" (Star, 10/4/88), and "Marilyn Monroe spent the night with dead lover" (Globe, 8/9/88). As these headlines illustrate, the topics mentioned earlier are by no means mutually exclusive - many celebrity features concern outrageous behavior involving sex, and so on.

Besides these subjects, one might have also expected a fair sample of articles on physical deformities or freakish physical accomplishments, these being the topics perhaps most strongly associated with tabloids (at least, by critics and satirists), but rather surprisingly, only one relevant headline appeared in this sample: "Tragic story of newborn monster only a mother could love" (Nat. Ex., 9/6/88). Such sensational topics actually appear much more frequently on the covers of other tabloids not included in this sample, and a reasonable hypothesis might be that these four most widely bought tabloids aspire to be taken as more serious or newsworthy, and so avoid the less credible stories (unlike other tabloids such as Weekly. World News - which, according to Meuse, "will accept stories at their face value" [43]). For the sake of illustration, however, two sample headlines which deal with deformity and freakish behavior can be offered here from the Sun: "Shocked Granny, 67, Gives Birth to Chimp-Faced Twins" (10/25/88); and "Wife hooked on soap eats 12 bars every day" (9/6/88).(2)

A similar inspection of connotation-rich vocabulary (aside from those nouns which name sensational topics, already illustrated earlier) reveals nouns, verbs, and especially adjectives chosen for their impact on the readers. In "Why heart-broken Susan Lucci is an innocent victim" (Nat. Ex., 8/9/88), for example, the reader cannot even ascertain the actual event to be discussed, but "heartbroken," "innocent" and "victim" (and, of course, the celebrity name itself) all arouse curiosity and interest. In fact, several key terms recurred a number of times in the 212 headlines examined: the big winners were "baby" and the related "pregnant," in 16 and 11 headlines, respectively; but "secret" occurred 13 times; "diet" 7; "romance/romantic" 6; and "wacky," "hunk," "shocking shocker," and "heartbreak/heartbroken/heartache" each appeared 4 times.

Another type of connotative vocabulary, what Madelon Heatherington has called labels of primary potency (177), were also expected to be quite common in tabloid headlines, but in fact, only two clear-cut examples were found. These words are adjectives which categorize and even stereotype people in certain ways (usually according to racial, ethnic or religious group; gender; etc.) and so tend to overshadow the nouns they modify (e.g., what is significant to the users of the phrase "black female lawyer" is not so much the profession of the individual as her race and gender). The two examples appeared in the headlines "Male Nurse Makes 5 Old Ladies Pregnant" (Nat. Ex., 10/11/88) and "Mystery of Diana Ross' Blond Baby" (Star, 8/2/88); in both stories, the labels of primary potency clearly do convey information central to the stories' import, but in most other tabloid articles other connotative adjectives (e.g., "heartbroken," "brave," "wacky," etc.) and the celebrity names by themselves serve the function of engaging the reader's interest.

Three other language devices that do occur frequently can be interpreted as having the purpose of bringing the reader dose to the individuals featured in the stories, making him or her feel intimately connected to them. The most obvious attempt to establish this sort of intimacy (see Brown and Ford 247, among many others) is through the use of first name only to identify celebrities, without any mention of the person's last name; such first-name use occurred in 39 out of 212 headlines (18.4%). The implication is that readers know these people personally, since they can use first names with them, and since they don't need last names to identify who is meant. Thus one has "Elvis' daughter flips for man twice her age" (Globe, 9/6/88); "Liz Pulls Strings In U.S. Senate to Keep Son Convicted of Drugs From Being Kicked Out of U.S." (Nat. Enq., 10/11/88); "Test-Tube Baby for Burt & Loni: Friends Say It's in the Works" (Globe, 8/2/88); and others.

But even beyond just using first names, some headlines actually use well-known nicknames for celebrities (in 20 headlines, or 9.4%), further reinforcing the sense of familiarity and intimacy that readers feel toward those so labeled. Consider "Fergie's Crash Diet: Lose 50 lbs. in 6 Weeks" (Star, 9/6/88); "Di's Last-Ditch Bid to Save Her Marriage: She & Charles Plan Move to Hong Kong!" (Star, 10/4/88); and "Conan Demands Give Me a Baby or Get Out" (Globe, 7/26/88). Of course, sometimes photos accompanying the headlines might be counted on to identify the focus of these articles, but the use of first names and nicknames can still be seen as a potent device for engaging readers - making them feel "inside" the story.

The other device apparently used to promote readers' feelings of closeness to individuals featured in tabloid articles is what will be called here pseudo-quotes. These statements are treated in some ways as if they were direct quotes: i.e., they often use first-person pronouns or command forms and are phrased so as to convey the attitudes supposedly held by the person being quoted, although the writer of the article is not at all likely to be privy to them - a clear application of "the omniscient narrator in newswriting" (Gibson 204), claiming access to the minds of story subjects in a manner which Gibson points out is fine in fiction but is much frowned upon in journalism (204). But one other characteristic suggests that they are not verbatim reports of actual utterances - specifically, a lack of quotation marks in many of the headlines. The use of these pseudo-quotes thus gives readers a feeling of involvement or intimacy with the article subjects (plus a spurious sense that the information is authentic). Examples include "Tubby Hubby Divorces Wife Who Lost 900 Lbs: She Weeps: 'He Liked Me Fat - when no other man wanted me'" (Nat. Ex., 8/2/88); "Conan Demands Give Me a Baby or Get Out" (Globe, 7/26/88); "Cher: Why I Like 'Em Young" (Star, 9/6/88).

A final category of linguistic devices found in tabloid headlines involves various literary or poetic devices, affecting the phonological shape of phrases rather than their content - part of what Cook (226) calls code play in advertising, manipulations of "sounds and rhythms, meaning and grammatical patterns of language," among other things, to direct "attention upon the substance and means of communication, rather than using these only to refer to the world." The effect is to make potentially unmemorable headlines or phrases more interesting purely in their pronunciation. The most common of these devices, whether used intentionally or occurring fortuitously, is alliteration; this kind of consonant pattern occurs in 72 headlines, or 34%, as in "First Photos of: Fergie's Baby" (Nat. Ex., 7/26/88); "Brave Lucy Bounces Back from Stroke . . ." (Nat. Enq., 7/26/88); "Eddie Murphy: Secret Surgery" (Nat. Enq., 7/26/88); "Liz Drowning Drama" (Globe, 10/11/88).

A less common device is rhyme - it occurs in only 6 headlines, or 2.8%, but is certainly noticeable when it is used; consider "Willie Nelson's Gal Pal Pregnant . . ." (Nat. Enq., 8/2/88); "Tubby Hubby-Divorces Wife . . ." (Nat. Ex., 8/2/88); "Cher's new toy boy? . . ." (Globe, 10/4/88).

Finally, a number of instances of assonance can be found - in 38 headlines, or 17.9% (not counting assonance in proper names, such as Mike Tyson). However, these seem to be almost entirely accidental, simply occurring as fallout from word choice rather than as its deciding factor. Thus, in the examples "The Real Reason Wives Nag" (Nat. Enq., 8/9/88), "Bingo-Mad Grandmother Runs off with Boy, 14: 'That's my lucky number' says gambling granny" (Nat. Ex., 8/9/88), and "Beatles & Ex-lovers Defend Lennon Against Sex & Drug Charges" (Star, 8/30/88), only the last one seems to be so extensive that it might have been planned.

It is clear from this headline sample that only the content-related characteristics, of the ones just discussed, occur with an overwhelming degree of frequency. Nevertheless, it seems obvious that a number of the other devices analyzed here are used too frequently to be totally accidental (first names, pseudo-quotes, and alliteration, especially).

Certainly, when all these various characteristics are taken together, they give the strong impression of prose that is as carefully constructed as is advertising copy designed to sell a product (this impression can be reinforced by considering advertising-language characteristics themselves, as discussed in Cook's work and others). And, of course, that is precisely what Otto Friedrich claimed as the function of newspaper headlines, tabloids especially (194). In that respect, then, this analysis provides yet further evidence that Friedrich's 1959 dictum still holds true.

Whether such a conclusion causes distress today must depend on whether readers look upon the tabloids as real newspapers, whose function truly is to report facts, or as gossipy entertainments whose content is not relied upon to be true. As Gibson says, "One appreciates any effort by journalists to make the reading of the news less of a chore and a bore. Nobody wants to be dull. But if the alternative to dullness is dishonesty, it may be better to be dull" (208). Dullness is one flaw no tabloid headline can be accused of, but neither would most readers accuse tabloids of being unequivocally honest, a view, as we have already seen, that at least some of the tabloids themselves reinforce. So in the end, if readers choose to believe that extraterrestrials are kidnapping their pets or that Diana Ross had a blond baby, they cannot fairly say they weren't warned about the nature of the information they are reading; the headlines themselves give ample warning of the uncertain veracity of the content to follow.

NOTES

1. To double-check the currency of the headline strategies identified in this corpus, headlines from the same four tabloids were collected during the week of 6/15/93. These headlines, twenty in all, showed a distribution of characteristics similar to those from 1988, except for more instances of labels of primary potency (six) and a lack of instances of assonance (and two examples of the latter were informally observed the week after). I am therefore assuming that my analysis of these earlier examples still holds for today's tabloid headlines.

2. One such headline was also found in my June, 1993, sampling: "Amazing courage of the toddler with no limbs" (Nat. Ex., 6/15/93).

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Bell, Allan. The Language of News Media. Oxford: Blackwell, 1991.

Bolinger, Dwight. Language: The Loaded Weapon. NY: Longman, 1980.

Brown, Roger, and Marguerite Ford. "Address in American English." The Psychosociology of Language. Ed. Serge Muscovici. Chicago: Markham, 1972. 243-62. Rpt. from Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology 62.2 (1961): 375-85.

Cook, Guy. The Discourse of Advertising. NY: Routledge, 1992.

Fowler, Roger. Language in the News: Discourse and Ideology in the Press. NY: Routledge, 1991.

Friedrich, Otto. "A Vivacious Blonde Was Fatally Shot Today or How to Read a Tabloid." Language Awareness. Ed. Paul Eschholz, Alfred Rosa, and Virginia Clark. NY: St. Martin's, 1974. 193-99. Rpt. from American Scholar 28 (Autumn 1959).

Geis, Michael. "Language and Media." Annual Review of Applied Linguistics 7 (1986): 64-73.

Geis, Michael. The Language of Television Advertising. NY: Academic Press, 1982.

Gibson, Walker. "Dullness and Dishonesty: The Rhetoric of Newswriting." Language Awareness. Ed. Paul Eschholz, Alfred Rosa, and Virginia Clark. NY: St. Martin's Press, 1974. 200-08. Rpt. from Walker Gibson, Tough, Sweet and Stuffy: An Essay on Modern Prose Style, Bloomington: Indiana UP, 1966.

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Levin, Jack, Amita Mody-Desbareau, and Arnold Arluke. Abstract of "The Gossip Tabloid as an Agent of Social Control." Paper presented at the 1986 Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association. Social Sciences Index No. S19040.

Meuse, Mariane. "Space Explodes! in the Tabloids." Ad Astra 4.1 (1992): 42-46.

Ogilvy, David. "How to Write Potent Copy." In Language Awareness. 4th ed. Ed. Paul Eschholz, Alfred Rosa, and Virginia Clark. NY: St. Martin's Press, 1986. 220-26. Rpt. from Confessions of an Advertising Man. NY: Atheneum, 1963.

Smith, Michael, and Michael Montgomery. "The Semantics of Winning and Losing." Language in Society 18.1 (1989): 31-57.

Wyckham, R., P. Banting, and A. Wensley. "The Language of Advertising: Who Controls Quality?" Journal of Business Ethnics 3 (1984): 47-53.

Appendix A. Complete Corpus of Headlines

Week of 7/26/88:

Globe:

Conan Demands Give Me a Baby or Get Out

Paralyzed Lucy's Last Wish

Lover Dumps Crocodile Dundee - He's Too Old

Joan Kennedy - Spiked Drink Led to Drunk Driving Arrest

National Enquirer.

Joan Kennedy Drunk Driving Arrest - The Untold Story

Joan Collins, 55, in Sizzling Romance with 24-Year-Old Hunk

Brave Lucy Bounces Back From Stroke - Plans Blockbuster Movie Comeback

Eddie Murphy: Secret Surgery

National Examiner.

Surgeon, 70, Makes 11 Nurses Pregnant

How to Read Minds

First Photos of Fergie's Baby

New Ways to Banish Arthritis & Headaches

Oprah's Weird & Wacky Diet Plans

Week of 8/2/88:

Globe:

Test-Tube Baby for Burt & Loni: Friends Say It's in the Works

Michael Jackson's Ugly Family Secret Is Out

The Girls on Eddie Murphy's Hit List

Victoria Principal's $Million Bid to Save Her Husband - as look alike gets Pam's role on Dallas

Vitamin E - Amazing Fountain of Youth: It Can Work for You

Michael J. Fox's Wedding Fiasco: Story & Photos Inside

Your Lucky Numbers & Dates for August

National Enquirer:

Willie Nelson's Gal Pal Pregnant - Fed-Up Wife Wants Divorce

Simply Eating Certain Foods Will Increase Your IQ and Memory

Super Security as Michael J. Fox Weds - Even Tent Was Closed as Temperature Topped 100 [degrees]

Tasty Dishes You Can Fix Now ad Enjoy Later

Household Tips That'll Cut Your Cleaning Chores

Easy Ways to Make Your Hair Look its Best

National Examiner:

Tubby Hubby Divorces Wife Who Lost 900 Lbs: She Weeps: "He Liked Me Fat - when no other man wanted me"

Win Big Bucks Now! All New Lucky Lottery Horoscope

How Sex Almost Destroyed Lucille Ball - and it could happen again

Why Dolly Parton Packs a Gun

Delicious Peanut Butter Diet: Lose 12 pounds in 2 weeks

Deadly illness haunts Frances Swaggart

Star.

How Taturn O'Neal Stripped to Seduce Michael Jackson

Fergie's Heartbreak Over New Baby

Tom Selleck Talks 'Divorce': Reports Claim 11-Month Marriage is Kaput

The Inside Story: Michael J. Fox's Wacky Wedding

Mystery of Diana Ross' Blond Baby

Dolly Goes into Hiding for Make-or-Break Movie

Bad Knee May Cripple Dirty Dancer Patrick Swayze

Week of 8/9/88:

Globe:

I Gave Sinatra Three Facelifts: What top plastic surgeon did for scores of aging idols

Chef: 1988's zaniest bride

Fergie's fear as baby is born - Whitney Houston is after my Husband

Baby for Tom Selleck: As Divorce Rumors Spread

Calorie Counter: For Frozen Treats

Marilyn Monroe spent the night with dead lover

National Enquirer:

Bruce Springsteen Divorce Shocker: He's Furious over Report His Wife Will Charge Him With 'Physical Abuse'

Linda Evans Says 35,000-Year-Old Spirit Tells Her to Move out on Fiance - So She Does!

Michael J. Fox Outrages Hotel Guests During His Bizarre Island Honeymoon

How to Beat Your Fears

The Real Reason Wives Nag

Feuding at Work? Here's How to Bury the Hatchet

National Examiner:

Bingo-Mad Grandmom Runs off with Boy, 14: "That's my lucky number" says gambling granny

How Liz Taylor Is Saving Brando's Life: The Untold Story

Hollywood stars' secret formula to ... Look 15 Yrs Younger

Bonus: Exciting New Ways to Win Battle Against Aging

Will Knots Landing's Joan have baby at 45?

UFO Aliens Kidnap 1400 Farmers - astonishing claim

Why heartbroken Susan Lucci is an innocent victim

Star:

Surprise Baby Saves Selleck's Marriage

Fergie's Million Dollar Baby: Happy Mom Spends Fortune on Fairytale Nursery

Jeane Dixon Answers Your Questions

Diet That Turned 'Tub of Lard' into World's Fastest Woman: Speedy 7-Day menu plan

Why Lisa Marie Presley Can't Get Her Hands on Elvis' Riches

My Stormy Marriage: By Willard Scott

Barry Manilow's Romance with Beauty Queen

Shocking New Movie Shows Christ as Lover

How Fight Champ Tyson Blows $1.4M a Year - but Only $55 on Food

Week of 8/16/88:

Globe:

Fred MacMurray Battles for Life: Wife Prays He'll Reach His 80th Birthday

Cher Wedding Charade; Honeymoon Tiff Sparks Jail Drama

Liz in Hospital Again: Did she hurt herself falling off the wagon?

JFK Jr. Dates Princess Stephanie

20 Ways to Lose 20 Lbs. in 20 Days

National Enquirer:

New Cancer Ordeal for Bronson's Wife: Gutsy Jill Ireland Tells How She'll Win Life-or-Death Battle

'Growing Pains' Costar Tried to Save Child Actress - Days Before Her Dad Killed Her

Cher's Torment - Beau Could Get 4 Years in Jail Because of Mystery Man's Cruel Hoax

Madonna's Brawling Brother is Wilder than Sean Penn - He's Had 3 Assault Charges in only 6 Months

Four Ways You Can Control Anxiety Attacks

How to Make Small Rooms Look B-I-G

National Examiner:

Wealthy Grandma, 63, Weds Her 14-Yr-Old Kidnapper

Topic Psychic's Amazing ... Predictions for Fall 1988

Dallas' Linda Gray Would Love to be a Granny

Horoscope Guide to Good Food and Good Health

They're Pals Again: Why Donny & Marie Kissed and Made Up

Star:

How Oprah Lost 22 Lbs. in 22 Days

Chef Sobs as Bagel-Boy Lover Goes on Rampage: Exclusive 3-page photo report reveals what really happened outside her home[;] 'I'm gonna kill you,' Rob screams as he hurls camera at fleeing photog

Mr. & Mrs. Michael J. Fox: Intimate Honeymoon Album

Liz Fights to Avoid Life in Wheelchair

Sinatra's Daughter Blasts his 'Streetfighter' Wife

Tom Cruise Cheats Death in 100 MPH Car Race Crash

Week of 8/23/88:

Globe:

50 Simple Ways to Beat STRESS

Sister Tells World: Don Johnson Pushed Cocaine[:] 'Thugs threatened to blow away his manhood'

Marie Osmond puts her 5-yr-old son to work - and church is outraged

Stars' Tearful Deathbed Vigil for Barbara Stanwyck

Foxy TV Host Dates Kid from Head of Class

New Jessica Hahn Bombshell: I was Pastor's Sex Slave for 7 Years

Your Fall Horoscope

National Enquirer:

'Miami Vice' Star Furious as Sister Charges: Don Johnson Was a Drug Dealer

Fergie's Baby - The Secret Drama[:] Her Nightmare Pregnancy Ends in Joy

Mike Tyson Warned by Wife: Stay Away from LaToya Jackson!

Be Nice - And You'll Cut Your Risk of Getting a Heart Attack

National Examiner:

Drunk More Took Wrong Twins at Liquor Store: She had them a week before realizing her boys were girls!

Superstar's friends fear ... Eddie Murphy to Share Fate of his Idol Elvis

Lose 15 Lbs and feel fitter instantly with ... New Miracle Herbs to Flush out Body Poisons

How Connie Chung stays superfit at 41

Fabulous Ice Cream Sundae Diet

Emma Samm's surprising pregnant secret

Star.

Fergie's Baby: Intimate story of her birth on luckiest day of the century

Plus Caroline Kennedy's Baby Rose - First Photos

Fall TV Preview: Post-strike guide to new shows, movies & mini-series

Priscilla Presley's ex reveals: My Forbidden Love for Elvis' Teen Daughter[:] Only in Star - Shocking new book that has Elvis fans in uproar

Diana Ross Pregnant Again at 44

Week of 8/30/88:

Globe:

The Wraps are off! Fall TV: What's hot & what's not - special 4-page pull-out

Family Fears for Joan Kennedy's Life

Morgan Fairchild falls for 74-yr-old senator

L.A. Law Beauty's Secret Battle Against Cancer: She hid the bad news for 2 years

Why Elvis' daughter thinks he's still alive

20 Ways to Take 20 Years Off Your Face

Your lucky dates & numbers for September

National Enquirer:

Fergie and Andy Fight Over Baby: Hubby Has Her in Tears Day After Birth ... and Di Furious as Charles Snubs New Baby

She's Pregnant! Thrilled L.A. Law Hunk Sets Fall Wedding Date

Steven Spielberg's Marriage in Trouble - He's Seeing Old Flame

Country Star Crystal Gayle's Nightmare Brush With Death

National Examiner:

Boy, 12, Makes Teacher & 6 Classmates Pregnant

New Heartache for Evangelists: Jim Bakker Will Go to Jail - predicts expert on PTL Scandal

Secret tragedy haunts cheerful Sandy Duncan

How Katherine Hepburn conquered arthritis pain[:] secrets of how 80-yr-old superstar stays superfit

8 Million Americans Have Returned from the Dead - incredible new report

Why Fergie's baby will have a 'second mother'

Star.

Liz Taylor Battles Drug Problem in Hospital

Willie Nelson begs wife: Make friends with my pregnant mistress

John Denver, 44, weds actress, 27, in Rocky Mountain hideaway

Di's Secret Tips to Fergie: How to be a better more - even if it means defying the queen

Blooming Beauties: Pregnant Lisa Bonet returns to Cosby[;] Bruce Willis sobs in joy as wife Demi gives birth [photo caption: Lisa & husband Romeo Blue]

The Day Priscilla Presley woke up Nude in Bed with Richard Gere

New Crystal Gayle heartbreak

Special Emmy Ballot

Beatles & Ex-lovers Defend Lennon Against Sex & Drug Charges

Week of 9/6/88:

Globe:

Doctors Warn Liz: Dry Out or Die - as she heads for clinic

JFK Shocker: Oswald Didn't Fire Fatal Shot: Startling new evidence names 2nd assassin

$12M Lawsuit Costs Victoria Her Baby: Her husband is a monster, woman charges

Stork saves bad boy Bruce's marriage

20 Simple Ways to Double Your Spending Power

Elvis' daughter flips for man twice her age

National Enquirer:

Cybill sees Red [in red ink] - 'Moonlighting' Making Deal to Costar Farrah

Newhart's TV Wife, 45, in Love with Hunk, 25

Kirk Douglas Tells All: My Romances with Rita Hayworth, Joan Crawford and Lauren Bacall - Hot Best-Seller

Kenny Rogers Devastated - Pal Arrested for Murder

12 Reasons You Shouldn't Diet

National Examiner:

Girl, 7, Gives Birth to 20-Ounce Twins: Miracle babies are 'doing just fine'

Humiliation of vidous sex scandal shatters Priscilla & Lisa Marie: The inside story

Lonely UFO Aliens Are Stealing Our Pets

Feel 20 yrs younger instantly: 10 Hi-Energy Foods to Add Zip & Zest to Your Life

Love secrets of Robert Redford's new sweetie

Tragic story of newborn monster only a mother could love

Star:

Gary Coleman Blasts Parents for Making him a Star

Fergie's Crash Diet: Lose 50 lbs. in 6 Weeks[;] Plus Baby photos by Prince Andrew

The Secret Men in Dolly Parton's Life: She holidays with handsome hunks in Hawaiian Paradise - but hubby Carl doesn't seem to mind

Soap Wedding of the Year: 'Restless' beauty weds 'General Hospital' playboy in $50 gown

Cher: Why I Like 'Em Young

Broken Romance with A.A. Counselor Drove Joan Kennedy Back to Drink

Lisa Marie Presley parties on anniversary of dad Elvis' death Fall Horoscope Special

Fall TV Heats Up

* Sneak preview of first Cosby episode

* Hagman wooing Victoria Principal back to Dallas

* Exclusive photos of Dirty Dancing series

Week of 10/4/88:

Globe:

Dynasty Back Without Krystle

Ann-Margaret's Deathbed Vigil

Cher's new toy boy? [:] TV host catches her eye as bagel maker gets the boot

Royal wedding fever grips Monaco as - Elvis' Little Girl Falls for Grace's Little Prince

Miracle foods that prevent breast cancer

Hedy Lamarr Loses $300,000 in Jewels - and doesn't know where they've gone

National Enquirer:

Alan Thicke: My 8 Years of Terror[:]Love-Crazed Woman Stalks 'Growing Pains' Star

It's Love! Jessica Hahn & 300/Lb. Ex-Preacher

Cybill Wins 'Moonlighting' Showdown! ... Her Boss Quits After Bitter Feud

Book Bonus[:] Joyce Brothers Tells Women: How to Get What You Really Want

Your Best Food Buys for October

National Examiner:

Experts Convinced Incredible New Photographs Prove Conclusively That ... Elvis is Alive[:] World Exclusive ... more amazing pics inside [photo caption: This scene in Las Vegas a few weeks ago speaks for itself]

Awful New Disclosures: Secret hell of the champ's wife

How Grits and Spaghetti Can Beat the Blues

Star:

Starting This Week: 8-Week Cholesterol Cure - #1 Best-Seller for a Year

Cybill Eats Nannies Alive: Twins' mom goes through 13 in a year

Di's Last-Ditch Bid to Save her Marriage: She & Charles Plan Move to Hong Kong!

Jeane Dixon Fall Predictions

* Dolly Parton plans divorce

* Cher weds young hunk (not Rob)

* Burt's Loni gets pregnant

* First baby for Vanna

Justine Bateman's Wacky Love Life

How Kennedy kids are bringing Ted & Joan together again

Star's Mystery Illness Rocks Top Soap

Love turned feuding Olympic in-laws into champions [photo caption: Fast Flo/Jumpin' Jackie]

Valerie Harper Nurses Dying More as She Beats TV Bosses

Week of 10/11/88:

Globe:

Liz Drowning Drama

Vanna to wed ex-car thief

'Michael Jackson Jailed': Cops deny report of singer's arrest & 7-year cover-up

New AIDS Terror Hits Stars: TV sex symbols take tests & precautions as doctor says more stars doomed to die

Lose 10 Lbs in 3 Days - with a diet that has worked for thousands

Superman runs off with his kids' baby sitter

Husbands Should Pay Wives for Housework - Court Rules

National Enquirer:

Reagan Sees UFO and Orders His Pilot: Follow It! [:] Secret Mid-Air Encounter Finally Revealed

Bronson's Wife: 'I'm Beating Cancer' - Jill Ireland's Own Inspiring Story[:] Exclusive Interview

Liz Pulls Strings In U.S. Senate to Keep Son Convicted of Drugs From Being Kicked Out of U.S.

'Moonlighting' Lovebirds in Real-Life Romance

National Examiner:

Male Nurse Makes 5 Old Ladies Pregnant: Seniors fell hopelessly in love with silver-tongued Romeo[:] The inside story

Jim & Tammy Swindled - hoaxed & fleeced by bogus preacher

Flush out body poisons[:] Wonder Salad Dissolves Cholesterol Instantly

Jackee's knockout romance with boxing champ

Brides Fined for not Being Virgins

World's smallest man's desperate plea: 'I need a wife'

Star:

Agony & ecstasy of life with Liz - in his own words: Burton's Love Diaries Unearthed After 25 Years: 'Elizabeth is an eternal one-night stand ... I love that woman so much I cannot believe my luck ... I want to make love to her & cherish her every minute of the day'

Gen. Hospital's 'Monica', 39, To Marry Her High School Sweetheart

Don Johnson's diet: Lose 25 lbs in 25 days[:] It's great for women, too!

How JFK Jr Beat Cocaine

Jackee quits 227

Fans Rally Round 'Broke' Tammy Wynette

Dirty Dancer Jennifer Grey To Wed Johnny Dep: Jump Street star pops question on bended knee

Cybill Shepherd's Wacky Marriage[:] Plus Exclusive color photos of her twins at age one

Week of 6/15/93:

Globe:

Cheers Star Slapped With Sex Charges![:] Mailman Cliff dragged me into a bathroom and forced himself on me, sobs TV beauty [Photo caption: Her own Shocking Story]

From dirt-poor childhood to $20M mansion[:] Whitney's Very Private Photos[:] World Exclusive - Never Seen Before - Fabulous 3-Page Special

AIDS-stricken Malcom Forbes tricked Liz into marrying him![:] Billionaire Took His Secret to the Grave

Race War Rocks Oprah's Diner![:] Black cooks charge they are bullied by whites & she won't help 'em

Seinfeld, 39, falls for high school gal, 17

[Photo caption: Budding Star at Sweet 16]

National Enquirer:

Whitney Jets to Hawaii With Sick Baby to Save Marriage ... and it works

Angela Lansbury's Gay Husband Revealed: Tragic secret of 'Murder, She Wrote' star's 1st marriage

Seinfeld, 39, in romance with high school girl, 17

Madonna's wild fling with hoop star Charles Barkley

National Examiner:

After Angel Saves Him From Fiery Mid-Air Crash ... Billy Graham Close to Death?

We're giving away $12,000 worth free![:] Stay Young Forever with Miracle Chinese Herb Ginkgo[;] Docs hail Oriental fountain of youth

Revealed! Cruel Plot Made Lucci Lose Emmy for 14 Years

Amazing courage of the toddler with no limbs

They're living in U.S. lake[:] Jurassic Park Dinosaurs Are for Real

$200,000 Reward![:] Help Us Find This Missing Boy

Star:

Win $3,000 Fun-In-Sun Vacation For Two

Your Zodiac Diet Guide: Foods to eat and avoid

'Dallas' beauty Audrey Landers: My miracle twins

Cradle-Snatcher: Seinfeld, 39, flips for high school girl, 17

Princess Di Becoming a Catholic

Deborah Schaffer received her Ph.D. in linguistics from The Ohio State University. She is currently professor of English at Montana State University-Billings (formerly Eastern Montana College) in Billings, Montana, where she teaches linguistics, composition, and special topics in literature. Her research interests include conversational analysis and other areas of sociolinguistics, especially where they overlap with popular culture.
COPYRIGHT 1995 Institute of General Semantics
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 1995, Gale Group. All rights reserved. Gale Group is a Thomson Corporation Company.

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Author:Schaffer, Deborah
Publication:ETC.: A Review of General Semantics
Date:Mar 22, 1995
Words:5549
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