Scrappy New Year.
"I CAN'T do this any more," said gormless gangsta Connor while trying to call time on his un-fine romance with laugh-adecade Carol Jackson. Well, Connor mate... that would be because you're about 19 and she's at least 63. Are we supposed to take this implausible garbage seriously? Thought not.
Oh baby, did EastEnders slither into 2011 on a barrel-scraping low. With that well worn soap clich the wrong kid drama.
"I'm going to give you back to your mummy," sobbed bunny boiler Ronnie after swapping her dead son James with Kat Moon's live one Tommy. Altogether now... oh no you're not!
This unsavoury saga will run and run. Until the explosive moment Kat discovers the shocking truth. And all hell breaks loose.
Talking of predictable plotlines, up on the cobblestones Corrie bad girl Tracy Barlow was found badly injured in the back yard.
Whodunnit? Blood-spattered Steve McDonald was the obvious prime suspect.
So you know he didn't do it...
Corrie capers... Tracy Barlow