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THEY say the monumental gamble on Kris Kin in last week's Derby was down to the identity of the rider.

Kieren Fallon, they now tell us, is the modern-day Lester Piggott, the jockey the housewives follow when in doubt - and more so, when in debt.

But Piggott-like though Fallon's ride was last week, can you imagine the sour-faced Irishman coming out with lines like these famous Lester-isms?

A journalist, fed up with paying for dinner every time they had met, one night nudged the bill discreetly towards Lester's plate.

Finally taking the hint the great man, notoriously tight, picked it up, looked at it, and said: "That's outrageous. I'd query it if I were you."

On a plane flying across the English Channel the pilot spotted an oil tanker that was on fire.

"Let's take a look," said Lester. As the plane swooped down to survey the scene Lester, gesturing the pilot back upwards, said: "It's all right - it's not one of mine."

After a lengthy stewards' inquiry, the anxious press begged Lester to tell them what had happened.

"Give us pounds 100 and I'll tell you," he said. The result of the inquiry was that Lester had just been fined pounds 100.

The Queen asked Lester at a Buckingham Palace reception if he'd ride her horse in the St Leger. "We'll have to see," he said.

Asked later why he hadn't been more receptive to the Queen's suggestion, he said: "Because I fancy Athens Wood." Lester rode Athens Wood. It won.

A trainer sought his advice about a horse which had a habit of hanging to the left.

"The best thing you can do is put a bit of lead in his right ear to act as a counter-balance," said Lester. "But how do I do that?" asked the trainer. Lester: "With a shotgun."
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Title Annotation:Sport
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Jun 14, 2003
Previous Article:SPORTS BETTING: Fallon? It is all ugly rumours.
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