SEX: That's the way to do it; The first time you get naked with someone, the chances are that having great sex isn't the only thing on your mind. Your porridge bottom and sparrow legs will be, too. But a new book reveals the best sex moves for hiding your bad bits. You'll never have to make love in the dark again.
None of us past the age of 16 have perfect boobs, but certain positions can turn back the clock. Stretch your arms up above your head to pull the skin on your bust tight - even the heaviest breasts will remain high and mighty.
This isn't what you want to hear, but the best way to disguise a big bum is to put that derriere in the air. When you're on all fours, your bottom looks smaller and firmer because the skin and muscles are stretched taut.
It's doubly sneaky because it flatters your bottom but puts it on show at the same time. He'll think you're wonderfully confident about your body and the view from his end is his idea of heaven.
In this position, your breasts are hanging down so the blood rushes to the nipples making them even more sensitive to touches and tweaks. If you've already located your G-spot, you'll know that this is a great way for him to reach it. If you haven't, this is a fun way to look for it.
Don't hide chunky calves, make them part of foreplay by dressing them up. Take him to bed wearing nothing but a pair of knee-high boots. Leather boots have kinky, dominatrix overtones and can unleash desires in you and him you never knew existed.
There are no other leg problems that can't be sorted out by a good pair of black stockings. Plain ones will lengthen and slim down short chunky legs while skinny legs will benefit from patterned of fishnet stockings.
If you're lucky enough to have the thighs of a gazelle, you can get away with lacey hold-ups. The rest of us should stick to suspenders unless we're feeling confident enough to deal with unsightly overspill and red welts when we take the stockings off.
Smooth out wobbly thighs by lying back and stretching your legs as far over your head as you can manage. This will flex your hamstrings and disguise cellulite, working much on the same principle as the bum-flattering position described above.
It's also surprisingly comfortable position to have sex in.
If you're worried about cellulite, take a tip from Hollywood actresses and make sure you're well-lit. Lighting from above casts a shadow, making your skin look lumpier.
Low-level lighting, on the other hand, is softer and much more flattering. Try fairy-lights around the bed, tea-lights around the floor or a lamp at the same height as the bed.
Girls with real jobs and real lives can think of a million other ways to spend their free time other than doing stomach crunches. Which is why so few of us have abs.
When you adopt the missionary position the flesh on your stomach falls back and to the sides making it look flatter. But be warned - one false move (like rolling over on to your side) and any little rolls of fat will be magnified.
Hide pot bellies and saggy tummies by having sex bending over. Press yourself against the edge of the bed, sofa or kitchen worktop, look kittenishly over your shoulder and invite him to take you from behind. This is the stuff of male fantasies.
He'll be so busy thinking what a great lay you are that the last thing on his mind will be your squished tummy. If you tell him exactly where you want his hands they won't wander to your love handles.
Searching for Sex In The City by Erin Kelly is published by Ebury, price pounds 5.99. To buy a copy call Mirror Direct on 0870 0703200.
Men's bodies aren't perfect either. Get busy with these positions that accommodate his, erm, shortcomings..
IF HE'S HEAVY
There's nothing romantic about being stuck beneath 14-stone of flesh during sex. He needs to prop himself up on his arms if he's on top, but if you're feeling frisky, get astride him. It's great if you want to feel in control. It's also a huge visual treat for him and he doesn't have to put much effort into it either. Which, if that 14 stone is more flab than fab, he'll probably appreciate.
IF HE'S SKINNY
Try the CAT position - that's coital alignment technique to you and me. It's a totally new approach to intercourse based on pressure and rocking motions rather than thrusting. He lines his pelvis up over yours, you wrap your legs around his and you slowly rock your way to orgasm. With big blokes you can feel like you're suffocating in an armpit. But with Mr Skinny you've got the freedom to lie back and enjoy yourself.
IF HE'S OVER-ENDOWED
If your date turns out to be a too-big boy, try spooning from behind - lie on your side as he snuggles into your back. You've both got quite a limited range of movement so he can't do any painful deep thrusting. And, besides, it's lovely and cuddly.
IF HE'S UNDER-ENDOWED
An inventive, attentive lover can more than make up for this little problem. And the good news is that men who aren't very big usually know about it and over compensate by being wonderfully skilled. If he's on top, pull your legs in towards your chest - this squeezes him inside you so it feels like a much tighter fit. Sex from behind offers deeper penetration. Who'd have thought it? A girl with a fat bottom and a man with a little willy are a match made in sex heaven.
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|Title Annotation:||M on Tuesday|
|Publication:||The Mirror (London, England)|
|Date:||Nov 25, 2003|
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