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SAD STEVE A MAN IN TORMENT.

STEVE RICHES is the saddest bloke in Britain, the man who spends all his time worrying about the impossible, conjuring up questions for which there's no answer. Can YOU help him out?

1. What does a family of black sheep call the black sheep of their family?

2. Where is Kingdomcome?

3. Did Panzer officers hold think tank meetings?

4. Deep down, do grave- diggers enjoy their jobs?

5. What do pipes dream about?

6. Are horses the only creatures who can be sure of a stable relationship?

7. Where is the scruff of your neck?

8. Why would anyone want to look like bee's knees?

9. How come athletes can win a 100 metres race by a mile?

10. When a farmer is mucking out, is it annoying if everyone else mucks in?

11. Does anyone really use dog's hair as a hangover cure?

12. Why do towels need washing?

13. If everyone stopped loving, would the world still go round?

14. When a bit of chocolate is stuck in an ice-cream why does it suddenly become a 99?

15. Can only women win booby prizes?

16. What does unnatural yoghurt taste like?

17. Why do couples say "we want to be alone" when clearly they can't be?

18. Did anyone ever find Bo Peep's sheep?

19. What's the point of mountain bikes in Holland?

20. When billions of pounds are wiped off the Stock Market, where do they go?

READERS WRITE:

Geoff Isherwood, who lives in that posh bit of Cheshire, Cheadle, wants to know: "Out walking the other day, I found a round, flat, black object about 12ins in diameter with a hole in the middle. Is this a record?"

Sad Steve says:

Geoff, that's nearly the record for the longest question ever and anyway I can only presume that, had it been a landmine, you would have found out by now. Still pounds 25 is coming your way, enough to buy a couple of Gary Cheshire-born Barlow CDs.

Pick of the rest:

If you stretch your legs, do you get taller?

Ron Heys, Garsington, Oxford

Without Venetian blinds would it be curtains for us all?

Kenneth Roberts, Wigan

Shouldn't something that's extraordinary be very ordinary rather than unusual?

Elizabeth Cox, Ipswich, Suffolk

Does prison food have a cell by date?

Frank McMahon, Liverpool

Was there a First and Second Lanark before Third Lanark Football Club?

John Guilliard, Newton Abbot, Devon

If a dentist was next to a manicurist, would they fight tooth and nail for customers?

Old Baldie Bert, Cheylesmore, Coventry

PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERYIf you have the answer to any of these questions, or better still have any of your own, write to: Sad Steve, People Magazine, 1 Canada Square, London E14 5AP. Or e-mail to: s.riches@people.co.uk

The sender of the week's best letter will receive pounds 25.
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Title Annotation:Features
Author:Riches, Steve
Publication:The People (London, England)
Date:Nov 8, 1998
Words:479
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