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SAD STEVE A MAN IN TORMENT.

STEVE RICHES is the saddest bloke in Britain, the man who spends all his time worrying about the impossible, conjuring up questions for which there's no answer. Can YOU help him out?

1. Why are all polar bears left-handed?

2. If you have amnesia and deja vu at the same time are you merely thinking of something you've forgotten before?

3. If a bridge linked England to France, which side would the traffic drive on?

4. Whatever happened to CB radio and what did those people do with their handles?

5. Do angry apes go people?

6. How high do you have to climb before you're considered to have a head for heights?

7. Why do people say they are going to sit in the sun when clearly they are not?

8. Would aliens drink ale?

9. How come your backside is called your bottom when it's halfway up your body?

10. Why should rain be considered right?

11. Why are up-in-the-air apartments called flats?

12. Could an optician make a spectacle of himself?

13. How come octopuses only have eight TENtacles?

14. Do solicitors wear law suits?

15. How do you know if Gorgonzola cheese is off?

16. Do city-dwellers worry about grass roots issues?

17. So how many ways are there to skin a cat?

18. How much is a lick of paint?

19. Do fish still smell fishy when they're under water?

20. Why should curtains have anything to do with dying?

READERS WRITE

"As a kid, I remember the song How Are Things In Glochamorra? So do the people of Glochamorra care how things are elsewhere?" asks Paul Williamson, of Bridlington, East Yorks, this week's pounds 25 winner.

Sad Steve says: Who knows, Paul? But your musical query hits more sad notes. Like how can you possibly put troubles in an old kit bag? Why aren't there any bluebirds in Dover and just who'll be coming down that mountain - and when?

Pick of the rest:

If you failed to pay an exorcist's bill, could he re-possess your house? Tina Dunn, Bolton, Lancs

Does fog come in any other flavour than pea soup?

Ron Smith, London SE15

If you go to hospital 50 miles away, can you still have a local anaesthetic?

Jay and Sarah Delli-Colli, Buxton, Derbys

If salad's so good for your figure, how come you don't see slim rabbits?

Colin Mills, Ipswich, Suffolk

When the clocks go back, does the battery in the clock last an hour longer?

Jonathan Whelpdale, Crook, Co Durham

What else could we call a thesaurus?

Aimy Baxter, Christchurch, New Zealand

How young can you die of old age? Neil Richards, Halifax

PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERYIf you have the answer to any of these questions, or better still have any of your own, write to Sad Steve, Sunday People Magazine, 1 Canada Square, London E14 5AP.

Or e-mail to: s.riches@people.co.uk

The sender of the letter of the week receives pounds 25.
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Title Annotation:Features
Author:Riches, Steve
Publication:The People (London, England)
Date:May 23, 1999
Words:497
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