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Robbie? That'll do famously; Go plastic fantastic with celebrity credit cards.

Byline: PHIL DIFFER

YOU'VE seen the movie, bought the T-shirt and heard the soundtrack. Now you can carry the ultimate accessory in hero worship - the celebrity credit card.

As if it's not bad enough seeing famous faces all over our TV screens, if the latest US trend catches on here, you could soon have Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston staring up at you from the credit cards in your wallet.

It's great news for celebrities who have to be paid for the right to use their image somehow. But the bad news is, it's us who will end up forking out for it. So, not only will the stars make money when you buy their latest CD or book, if you buy it with a credit card with their face on it, they'll pocket cash from that, too.

The all-important status symbol is, of course, your choice of star. Here we look at the different possibilities and what your choice of celebrity card says about you.

ROBBIE WILLIAMS:

For hopeless romantics

WHILE the woman with a Robbie Williams card is really just kidding herself that Robbie might one day fancy her something rotten, men are more calculating.

They reckon that if a woman likes Robbie Williams and the man himself isn't available, they might go for the next best thing - a man with a picture of Robbie Williams in his wallet.

TONY BLAIR:

For decisive procrastinators

THIS would suit the shopper who sees something, really likes it, dithers, decides they won't buy it, goes home, sleeps on it, decides the next day they WILL buy it after all, goes back to the shop and the last one's been sold.

SHEENA EASTON:

For anyone with an identity crisis

THIS one is for the person who is not quite sure who they want to be - or who they are, or where inner peace lies, or where Bellshill is.

POSH AND BECKS:

For the perfect couple

IF you are part of a couple who share everything - house, clothes, brain cell, this is the card for you.

If you had a card with Posh and Becks on it, then you would have to be like Posh and Becks wouldn't you? It stands to reason. Developing a carefree attitude and a "haven't a clue what's going on" expression is essential.

MR & MRS TOM CRUISE:

For the imperfect couple

THIS one is for couples who argue - also known as normal. Of course, star couples don't fight, they have tempestuous relationships.

The couple who go for Tam and Nikki on their cards may indeed have a tempestuous relationship. They may often be heard, er, tempesting about the size of their credit card bill.

TOM JONES:

For the deluded

FOR the man who thinks that dyed jet black hair, skin-tight breeks and a cleverly-disguised pot belly really are sexy and for the middle-aged, menopausal woman who actually believes that Tom Jones is going to ditch his missus for them. As if.

BRITNEY SPEARS:

For Daddy's girls

WHAT Britney wants, Britney gets. And, when daddy isn't around to fund it, she can always look to her flexible friend. Of course, people carrying a card with Ms Spears' picture on it won't have access to her hefty bank balance, but at least they'll have a great catchphrase for whenever they reach their credit limit - Oops, I Did It Again.

ELTON JOHN:

The spending queen

I'M still spending is the motto for those who prefer this little card. Flowers, clothes, furnishing ... anything. If it's got a price-tag you'll buy it ... and probably wear it.

ELVIS PRESLEY:

The great pretender

WHETHER the King has gone to the Gracelands in the sky or is serving up chips in Scunthorpe, he lives to spend on in his plastic incarnation ... and in the mind of its owner.

HOMER SIMPSON:

For average punters

IF you're the sort of person who hasn't quite grasped the concept that you will actually have to pay for the goods you buy on credit, then this one's for you. A famous misquotation from Herman Melville - or the famous Guinness ad - sums you up perfectly - "tick followed tick, followed tick, followed mair tick". Doh!
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Feb 20, 2001
Words:692
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