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Reel-life howlers; It Shouldn't Happen To A TV Performer ITV, 9.30pm.

COMEDIANS, magicians, singers and ventriloquists look back on performances that left them reeling.

Putting aside their embarrassment, good sports including Brian Conley, Frank Carson and Roger De Courcey, relive the cringeworthy moments when it all went wrong for them.

The stars recount their personal horrors and those of their fellow performers.

Toyah Wilcox looks back on the day dancers accidentally ripped her tights to reveal her bare legs while she was performing on Live From The London Palladium.

She says: "I remember at the top of the show the dancers had to gather around me and pull a skirt off me to reveal my little ra ra skirt underneath.

"It came to the skirt ripping-off moment, which in rehearsal was so simple, and one of the dancers, instead of grabbing the skirt, grabbed my thigh and calf and it felt as though he had torn my flesh.

"What had actually happened was that he had torn my tights off and the skirt and I didn't know. It looked terrible. It revealed my white flesh under these tights.

"I looked awful, like some tired old hooker."

Jimmy Tarbuck remembers the night he was due to introduce Petula Clarke on stage and managed to forget her name.

He says: "I did something that I promise you I never do. I had a drink - a glass of champagne - and I totally relaxed and came off the high of the show.

"I went back on the stage and I said: 'Welcome back to this fantastic Palladium theatre where every star in the world has appeared. Now it's star time.'

"And I thought to myself: 'Who is it?' I went totally blank."

Jimmy also admits being a comedian can be tough.

He says: "Anybody, lady or gentleman, who has had a go at getting up there to make people laugh has my affection and admiration for having a go.

"It's the loneliest job in the world - but the most rewarding when it goes down really well."

Blind Date

ITV, 7.10pm

CILLA BLACK hosts Blind Date, the show where everyone waits with bated breath to see where Cupid's arrow will fall next.

Or to see if there's a really big fight between a couple who hate each other.

And let's face it, that is far more entertaining for viewers.

In tonight's show viewers will get the chance to catch up on the two couples who jetted off on their blind dates last week.

Find out whether Christian and Maria fell for each other in Bath.

And discover whether the breathtaking beauty of India put Michelle and Lloyd on the path of true love or the road to hell?

Also marvel at the skimpy little outfits worn by the girls this week as they aim to become some lucky bloke's blind date.

Convict Air

Ch5, 8.10pm

NICOLAS CAGE went on it in his film, Con Air, and we thought that it was really make-believe.

But there really are aircraft that carry some of the world's most dangerous criminals across American airspace.

However, unlike the blockbusting action movie, none of the criminals has ever escaped.

This documentary examines the work of the JATS, a fleet of 13 aircraft charged with carrying prisoners so dangerous that the commercial airlines won't touch them with a bargepole.

The initials stand for Justice and Transportation System, but prisoners and officers call it Con Air. Around 1000 prisoners a day use JATS and most are on their way to court cases.

Will any ever escape?
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Copyright 2002 Gale, Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

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Title Annotation:Television
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Jan 12, 2002
Words:584
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