Record tv; PICK OF THE DAY.
THE APPRENTICE BBC1, 9pm
AS Lord Sugar says on The Apprentice tonight: "One man's junk is another man's treasure."
Or, more accurately in this case: "One woman's junk is still junk, even with a wobbly Union Jack painted on it and a hefty price-tag attached."
You might not recognise the candidates because they're out of their business suits and attempting to pass themselves off as East End trendies.
In other words, they look completely the same, although you may be startled to see Nick Hewer wearing shades.
Their task is to buy second-hand tat and tart it up to sell in one of the two pop-up Vintage and Retro shops laid on for them in east London's Brick Lane.
It's an interesting task - and not least because it throws up a common situation where both teams do quite well, but where the team who do slightly less well are branded losers and dragged over the coals in the boardroom anyway.
Along the way, Ricky's right eyebrow performs its very own aerobic workout, Lord Sugar is introduced to the concept of "shabby chic" and there is even some upscaling of old proverbs.
Duane's personal contribution - "Don't look a gift horse in the eye" - deserves special mention.
HOT TO HANDLE
DON'T BLAME THE DOG BBC3, 9pm
THIS series teams up owners with working dogs and their handlers to bring them to heel.
This week, two typically clueless people head to South Africa to be trained how to handle dogs used for tracking poachers.
Holly has a pug/ Jack Russell cross with painted claws and boutique outfits, while Mikki has a six-month-old Staffie cross he bought just to look "dangerous" and is now "bite training" for his own protection.
Neither have any idea how to be a responsible dog owner so their pets are causing all kinds of havoc.
It seems like just a matter of time before Mikki's dog takes a chunk out of some unlucky person's leg.
The results are predictable. Hopefully some dodgy dog owners watching at home will sit up and recognise themselves.
NIGHTMARE ON THE SEAS
THE SINKING OF THE CONCORDIA: CAUGHT ON CAMERA C4, 9pm
IN this YouTube era, TV news crews are finding themselves more and more redundant as some of the biggest moments in history are now captured on home movie cameras and hi-tech mobile phones.
This film, chronicling the last voyage of the Italian cruise ship Costa Concordia in January, has been pieced together from some of the footage shot by the survivors themselves.
Its immediacy makes it more genuinely terrifying than any drama (sorry, James Cameron).
Here, we see and hear the moment when the ship hits the rocks and the passengers - and, incredibly, the harbour master - are told only that it is merely an electrical fault.
The panic and utter chaos as 4000 passengers and crew rush to the lifeboats is enough to put you off ever thinking about booking a cruise.
But most damningly here, we hear the full and furious conversation in which Commander Gregorio De Falco, of the Livorno Port Authority, so memorably orders Captain Francesco Schettino to get back on board the ship.
THE FIRST FRONTIER
STAR TREK: THE DIGITALLY REMASTERED ORIGINAL SERIES CBS ACTION, 6pm
IT'S Star Trek, Jim, but not as we know it. And that's not Jim.
CBS Action are screening a digitally remastered version of the very first series - starting with the rarely screened original pilot, The Cage.
It was made in 1964, when the Starship Enterprise was captained not by Captain Kirk but by Christopher Pike (the late Jeffrey Hunter).
There's no Uhura, Bones or Sulu yet either - and Mr Spock's bushy eyebrows are even scarier than the big-brained aliens that they encounter.
There's no doubt, this is a real cult classic.
ALL THE GOSS FROM YOUR SOAPS
TURN OVER FOR SCOTLAND'S BEST TV GUIDE EMMERDALE STV, 7pm
NICOLA'S reason for insisting that Jimmy has a vasectomy is the feeblest we've ever heard - namely, that she can't remember to take a birth control pill every day.
But instead of making it his job to remind her, Jimmy meekly goes off for the snip today.
He's worried it will make him less of a man but just by letting himself be nagged into having it done, you'd have to say the damage is pretty much done on that score.
Elsewhere, Sandy finally makes an abortive attempt to stand up for himself tonight when he attempts to phone adult services.
That's not a business card he's found in Emmerdale's famous red phone box but the unfortunately named council department who look after the welfare of grown-ups.
Don't miss your FREE TV mag in Saturday's Record
TEAM PLAY n Ricky and Duane get to work BARKING J Dog lover Mikki DRAMA On the Costa Concordia EARLY J ENTERPRISE Captain Pike CALLJ FOR HELP Sandy's plea infuriates Ashley tonight