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Raverend! The real Nairobi diaries of DJ Pierra, Jaguar and Eric's balls of fire.

Last weekend of the first month of 2018, the year of 'Maaaah'. The end of 700 days of January is coming!!! The long trek on the broke side is about to be over soon.

It's always a pleasure to say kwaheri to njaaanuary. Njaaanuary is like that ex who you never loved but in her head she still believes she is important en you're still in love with her, even after you dumped her subconsciously without notice.

Raverend's note to DJ Pierra Makena - my high school sweetheart - please pick your fights carefully. Don't mess with women of Nairobi D. As the host of the recent Reunion show, I want to give you a cheat sheet on how to handle these beauties.

Let them fight among themselves and never get in between. Because they will drag you through the mud and they will smash your lawyer, boyfriend, baby daddy and not to mention your father.

And they don't care.

With. No. Apologies.

If it is true you fat-shamed Mishi Dora, or even attempted to comment on Mishi's very Phat body, start by sending emissaries.

Because this is far from over. You will be the storyline of Nairobi D's Season 8. Deal with it now while the show is on a break.

The reality of women on the TV show is very different from the rest of us. So be afraid. Be very afraid.

Moving on to Nairobi Diaries Jubilee edition. Njaaanuary madness continues with an episode of Starehe MP Jaguar suing his close pals Sonko and Sakaja and comes to Babu Owino's rescue after he was arrested and spent two days in jail! For real, a week in politics is too long.

In other news, B Club and Space Lounge officially opened their doors last weekend after being given a clean bill of health by Nema. So if you're looking for a weekend plan you favourite clubs have officially been opened! In case Nema cracks down on noisy clubs, again, as a patron or customer you will not be arrested, but the club owner and employees will.

Some more good news, if you are a diehard fan of Bongo queen VeeMoney, then you are in luck. She will be performing for university students at the Carnivore during the Qwetu Festival today. You can go check her out alongside Kansoul and Kagwe Mungai, it's an afternoon affair. Plus her bae, Juma Jux will be in attendance.

As we wait for the end of January, I would like to ask, how does one unsee Eric Omondi's Balls of Fire that went viral this week? I need an immediate solution like the pen used by Will Smith in Men In Black.

Eric's humongous avocados have traumatised many innocent Kenyans. Going forward, watching Eric do his comedy thing will be very difficult, because all eyes will be on his 'Bollingo Nagaiiiiz'!

As if njaaanuary was not for mad issues, now we have balls of fire to deal with. The hanging balls of Eric are making women compare and contrast. Thank you very much Eric Balls Omondi.

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Publication:The Star (Nairobi, Kenya)
Geographic Code:6KENY
Date:Jan 27, 2018
Words:593
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