RONAN HAS GOT TALENT..
SO are we surprised there are conspiracy theories about little Ronan Parke being manipulated by the Dark Lord himself, Simon Cowell? You don't have to be a Sony whistleblower to assume something could be going on, even if Simon never met Ronan before this week.
That's because Britain's Got Talent is - stop me if I'm confusing you - a talent show. Created by Simon Cowell, who is - and again, I can go a little slower if you want - a talent manager. And one who likes singers. Not dance troupes, no matter how leg-flailing their spins or how tear-jerking their stories, how retinawrecking their trousers. But so far, BGT has given Simon just one singing winner: Paul Potts. Susan Boyle lost to Diversity. And, even though SuBo became a massive success, underneath it all, she was a fragile, middle-aged woman. She was too old and too much of a wild card to allow Cowell to get stuck into her career.
Ronan Parke, however, is 12 years old. The poor mite is hardly going to put up a fight when any adult - let alone one as powerful as Simon Cowell - says: "Sing this", or "Wear this".
So if an adult - and I'm not saying it's Simon Cowell - tells Ronan to get his hair cut like Justin Bieber, he will. If that same someone tells him to sing a song by Adele, the biggest pop star in the UK, he will.
Especially when he knows that, at just 12, his time is running out. If his voice breaks, or he gets acne, or his neck does that funny teenage thing and goes all Adam'sappley, Ronan will be out of Cowell's office and out of his contract faster than you can say Spelbound.
Which is why I'm saying: vote for Ronan. You might as well. He clearly wants to win, he can sing and he's 12 years old.
Don't break his heart. Simon Cowell will do that for him (it's in Clause 1245.8 of the contract), but it's only fair to let Ronan have a few years of excitement before it happens.
FAVE JRonan DARK LORD BGT's Cowell