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Problem Page: Just Joan; I want another baby without a new man.

Q I WAS married for a very short while. It was a big mistake because he was very violent and abusive towards me. I ended up a physical and emotional wreck.

I ran away with a man who said he loved me, but the minute I was pregnant he dumped me. But my baby was the best thing which happened to me although his daddy doesn't want to know.

I am now through with men and wouldn't want one near me - but I would love another child. I enjoy being a single mum. I keep the house nice and I adore my son, but I think it would be great to give him a brother or sister.

I thought I might advertise or ask around to see if any man would help me out. He wouldn't have to sleep with me or anything.

But when I mentioned it to my mother she went berserk and called me irresponsible and selfish. Am I? I think I am a brilliant mother.

A YOU know me, I'm quite old fashioned and believe that where possible two parents are better than one.

Having said that, it's not your fault that your son's dad turned out to be a dead loss. But at least he's got you and it's pretty obvious you are a totally devoted mother. I can understand why you might want another child and I'm sure you'd be every bit as good with a second baby as you were with your first.

I also see why you've taken a scunner to men but maybe you're being a bit quick to give up on them entirely. My advice would be to enjoy being on your own with your son for a little bit longer.

You should wait and see if fate, rather than the small ads, turns up a good man.

But if nothing happens and you are still quite determined to have another baby, then who am I (or your mum) to stop you from going ahead and doing what you want?

Q EVERY Friday I walk along my local cycle path and see this woman who is just breathtakingly beautiful.

We always make big eye contact. She looks around 30 - just like me - and doesn't appear to have a wedding ring.

For two years now I have longed to tell her about the effect she has me. I just want to have at least a night out with her. I'm not stuck for ideas for romantic moments, conversation is never a problem and I can express myself very well.

I know I could melt her heart and make her faint with delight but I feel that it may be odd to suddenly throw myself at her feet. I would never follow her because that's too scary.

How do I ask if she's available and interested? I need to know because she's killing me with those eyes. In a pub or something I would just go ahead and talk to her.

A YOU are right - accosting the poor girl could frighten her and might land you in trouble with the law. I don't want to be a wet blanket but, if she reciprocated your feelings, I think she'd have given you some indication. You could give her a note of your phone number or the address of your local. But if she doesn't respond it's time to change your route on Fridays.

He wants to bed me and my sister

Q I AM the youngest of three sisters and I am currently with a guy who has been out with both of them. He says he was only waiting for me to grow up.

I am 17 and he is 10 years older and I love him so much. But the other night he asked how I would feel about doing three in a bed with one of my sisters.

He says it would be great and that if I agree he will love me for ever.

A HE is a nothing more than a perverted creep and while you may love him he most definitely doesn't love you. He's using you and the sooner you tell him and his disgusting suggestions where to go the better.

This isn't normal behaviour, so don't be a fool to yourself and get out. And don't forget to tell everyone, including your sisters AND your mum, why you did it.

Ex-hubby's calls make me mad

Q I HAVE custody of our two children, aged four and seven years, but my ex-husband phones up to speak to them almost every day.

I asked him to stop calling so often but he said what was the harm as he loves and misses his kids and needs to speak to them on a regular basis. I've tried to tell him that if the kids missed him or there was a problem then I would get them to give him a quick call.

I feel as I am moving on with my life so it's time he did as well. Am I being unfair expecting him to cut his contact with his children down? He is a good father, but we just never got on.

A YES, you're being VERY unfair - not only to your former husband but also to the kids. It's time you remembered that he is your ex - not their ex. He's still their dad and nothing that happened between the pair of you can alter that. It's also incredibly selfish to try.

There are too many fathers only too willing to dodge their responsibilities - be grateful he isn't one of them.

Deliver chain e-mail to the bin

Q I CAME home from work and found a chain e-mail on my computer.

It was just like a chain letter with the usual warning of death and disaster if I ignored it.

But I think it's worse because these things can be spread very rapidly as you can e-mail anywhere in the country and it arrives in a matter of minutes.

I know people can be very unsettled and upset by these stupid things but I deleted it immediately.

The point is that I then went on to have a perfectly normal and happy day, which just goes to prove that these chain e-mails are just pure rubbish.

A YOU are right in everything you say and everything you did. I do not understand why people send them - whether by letter or e-mail. They DO worry those who are more susceptible than you are, not least when they are going through a bad patch. So, yet again, I appeal to readers to be sensible and break the chains.
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Title Annotation:Features
Author:Burnie, Joan
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Apr 3, 2000
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