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Phony baloney: my new BF is fun and nice. But he says he'll call, then never does. I'm too embarrassed to ask why. I don't want to seem desperate. How should I handle this?

DAVE No need for embarrassment as you're clearly right to be annoyed. Time to bring out the trusty, "Turn things around--how would you feel?" argument. Present the situation to him, and simply ask, "If I told you I was going to call and didn't, how would you feel?" If that doesn't put things into perspective and change his behavior, break up. Then he'll be the one seeming desperate.

BILL It's a question of nerve. Either he doesn't have enough nerve to call, or he has so much nerve that he lies to your face. Lower the bar by getting his IM name, and drop a quick note when you see him online. If he doesn't answer right back, you'll have a pretty good idea which nerve you've struck in him.

All the guys I don't like, like me. All the guys I do like, don't. What's up with that?

BILL Old-time comedian Groucho Marx once said, 'I'd never want to be a member of a club that would accept me!" He didn't have many friends. Get to know the guys who like you. It lust might help you forget the other guys, who don't accept you in their club anyway.

DAVE I'm with Bill. Give the guys who like you a shot. The other guys will notice how much those guys enjoy your company--it might pique their interest.

My BFF's boyfriend is cheating on her. Should I confront the guy and get him to stop, or do I tell my friend what's going on?

BILL Sounds like a 1950s movie. Soon, you're gonna be saying things like, "Listen, Mac!" and he'll call you a "dame." If you confront him outright, it's doubtful he'll admit to any foul play--it's more likely he'll be on the defensive. Take it low-key. Guys tend to 'fess up when their guards are down. If nonchalantly you say, "Hey, I saw you with so-and-so last night," he might admit to cheating. Just be sure he's really running around before making an accusation.

DAVE If it's so obvious to you that he's cheating, why hasn't his GF noticed? Before you confront the guy or tell your friend, be sure you have the facts straight. Is he really cheating? Or is he helping a friend with extra studying? If you blow the whistle, be prepared to deal with the repercussions.

When I like a guy, everyone knows it. I talk with the guy and joke around because I'm very outgoing. How can I make my intentions less obvious but still get the guy to like me?

DAVE Girls who normally write to us are the opposite of you. You've already mastered Flirting 101. It's cool that you express yourself in such a relaxed way. I'm sure your personality puts guys at ease. Don't change the way you are just because others aren't as outgoing.

BILL Am I missing something here? You're fun to be around, and you have no problem getting along with guys. Is there a reason you need to keep crushes secret? Are you part of a secret society? Do you have a secret handshake? A secret wink? Go with the personality you have. You'll wind up with guys who like you for who you are.

Got a question? Send it to Bill and Dave, c/o Girls' Life, 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD 21214, or e-mail it to
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Title Annotation:GUYS Q&A
Publication:Girls' Life
Article Type:Column
Date:Jun 1, 2005
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