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POLL SAYS: PLAYOFF, OR BUST.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Pardon my flu-shot reaction, but why all the nasty upheaval directed at the college football polls this week?

You all know by now we've got human polls and computer polls, and then a poll that people in the know vote on but doesn't matter, right?

Then there are public opinion polls, interactive web polls and market research polls, not to be confused with the North Poles, South Poles, Polish dogs, polka dancers and the other poltergeists who add all kinds of evil to this equation, correct?

With all these particles of mass distraction colliding to form one major media calamity, how is it not possible that USC isn't misplaced even farther behind Texas or UCLA or UC Davis when the meek geeks come to their haphazard consensus of all these polarizing influences?

So, sorry if we have to ask again, but what's the payoff to not having a playoff?

--And while we're at it, would someone just give BCS computer analyst Jerry Palm a backhand?

--Where does USC rank on the DePodesta computer?

--So Reggie Bush admits he's actually thought about the Heisman? And that deserves a headline? Because it violates some NCAA think-police rule? And when will Reggie start thinking about charging for ad space on his eye-black strips?

--In this ``spring ahead, fall back'' scenario, how far do the Dodgers fall back from the rest of the competition after ending their meek managerial search by picking some poor stooge before they spring back into damage control and show off the ``new'' stadium with $8-beer-friendly seats and wider aisles that'll allow more convenient exits before the seventh-inning yawn?

--If it took more than 5 1/2 hours to finish that 14-inning Game 3 of this week's World Series, how is it that Babe Ruth can toss a 14-inning complete game, leading the Red Sox over the Dodgers in the 1916 Series, and have the whole thing wrapped up in just over 2 1/2 hours? Something to do with fewer promos for ``Geraldo At Large''?

--Who's turn is it to talk Brad Lidge off the ledge?

--How do the White Sox give Frank Thomas a playoff share with a straight face?

--Why would anyone voluntarily enlist as a live-in boyfriend with Tonya Harding? Wouldn't the poor slob have to sign a pre-knucklehead agreement?

--If someone makes fun of our lame Todd Bertuzzi Halloween costume, are we allowed to just reply, ``It is what it is''?

--Could Duffy Waldorf adjust to the NBA's dress code? Would he?

--When will they finally kick Gary Hogeboom off ``Survivor'' so we can kill it off the TiVo ``season pass'' list?

--Tyra Banks still has a talk show?

--What other piece of vital information needs to be revealed in the Jason LaBarbera vs. Mathieu Garon debate?

--Is Air Force coach Fisher DeBerry suffering from altitude sickness, or is his landing gear just stuck?

And what's his take on Sheryl Swoopes?

--Are we all good now on the Astros closing the roof?
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Article Details
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Title Annotation:Sports
Publication:Daily News (Los Angeles, CA)
Date:Oct 29, 2005
Words:500
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